Get Your Crampon
Trip Start Jan 15, 2011
38Trip End Mar 19, 2011
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After a quick breakfast and lunch making session, it was a hop, skip, and a jump over to Franz Josef Glacier Guides tour center. There were a lot of people milling about, many of which looked geared up and ready for departure. It made me nervous. When we were told to be there at 8:15 A.M. did they mean earlier somehow? As it turned out, it was an entirely different group I was worrying myself over. Paranoia à la Alice.
Once checked in, we filled out our paperwork and got herded through an assembly line of gear giveaways. Or, I should say, rentaways
We plucked our stuff up and moved on, trying to find an available corner to pack and situate. The only thing we ended up declining were the boots/socks and hats/gloves, as we’d brought our own. Next, we were told to make a pit stop at the bathrooms, as it would be our last opportunity until we returned. Then we were loaded onto a bus and driven about ten minutes away to the site of the glacier. A ten minute walk through the woods brought us to the edge of a wide ravine covered in an obscene amount of gray glacial rock. To the right of us, pressed tightly between two mountains, sat the Franz Josef Glacier: A gargantuan sheet of ice that swept down to the valley floor like an unfurled carpet. It conveyed a subtle invitation for us to step forward and tread lightly.
Before continuing, our guides led us to the side of the main tourist trail so that we could break off into smaller groups. Our options: Fast and challenging, slow and photo-happy, or somewhere right in the middle. We chose the latter since we did want to take a lot of pictures but we also didn’t want to be lame. The guide that came with our group happened to be a woman who was buff and totally kick-ass. She took us to the base of the glacier where we splintered off into two smaller groups of twelve. Just like that we had a new guide, which I would’ve been disappointed about except our new guide was also a woman and also kicked major ass
Before our adventure truly began, Jess revealed some fascinating information about the Franz Josef Glacier. One particularly interesting fact: Franz Josef is one of three temperate glaciers in the entire world. Temperate means it exists only 250 meters above sea level. The only other two are the Fox Glacier (which is in New Zealand only 50km away) and a glacier in Argentina. We also found out that today was the first day of nice weather in quite a while, which meant the ice would be bluer than normal. Hearing all this made our imminent hike that much more exciting.
At this point we were finally given the go ahead to step over the yellow safety rope that kept the common tourists off the glacier. We, however, had special passes. That’s right, we were heading into…the danger zone. (Now I’ve got Kenny Loggins singing in my head).
We climbed up a steep slope of flat, dull stones. One might have thought we were climbing up the scree of a mountainside and hadn’t actually reached the glacier, but they’d be wrong. Underneath that massive heap of rock was ice. Periodically you’d see it peeking through. A squish beneath your heel or a watery patch of gravel would be your only clue that below lay a mammoth mound of glacial ice.
On our way upward a kea flew out of nowhere and landed alongside the trail
Once we reached the point where the rock ended and the exposed ice began, Jess instructed us to put on our crampons. They have a surprisingly simple design: Adjustable metal frames with sharp teeth on the bottom that attach to your boot using a simple nylon strap. Ingenious, really. She told us to walk with our feet shoulder width apart and to trust in the crampons, they’d keep us steady.
And she was right. As instructed, I kept my feet pointed forward as we headed down the initial slop of chunky ice. As you’d imagine, your mind sees the ice and tells you "This isn’t right, you’re going to slip and fall!" So you start out stepping gingerly. But with each step I felt the crampons taking hold. It was akin to feeling your boot pressing easily into a mound of fresh powdery snow. The two just fit together, like a hand to a glove. Pretty soon I felt as comfortable hiking on a glacier as I would hiking up a mountain, only this mountain was made of ice.
Our pathway was somewhat distinguishable
By this time everyone had shed most of their outer layers, because despite standing on ice it was a fairly warm day. Our raincoats had all been tucked away and hopefully wouldn’t be needed. That’s when we ventured into our first crevice. We were told to "walk like an Egyptian," which meant turn to the side with both feet pointing forward. Shuffle, shuffle, shuffle. We all touched the ice for the first time as the walls closed in. It felt wet and, naturally, freezing cold. The inner tint was a cool blue that swallowed us up and spit us out the other side.
Back and forth, like typical switchbacks, we wended our way up the face of the glacier. Jess, being the awesome woman she was, carried with her an ice axe that she used to cut new steps into the surface every so often. The track had to be constantly maintained due to melting and shifting. Evidently, the Franz Josef was an exceptionally fast moving glacier. It moves an average of one meter per day, whereas a typical glacier moves that much in the span of a year!
As we crossed deep fissures and climbed ice steps, we could see that the glacier itself wasn’t pristine. Thin ribbons of gray threaded through the frozen terrain
We ate lunch high up on a frozen ridge whilst sitting on our bum bags (appropriate name, no?). Afterward, we advanced up to the highest point on our trail. Due to the depth and pressure here, giant waves of ice had formed. We were standing within the folds of a frozen, angry sea. Our hands gripped rope before too long, helping each of us over those giant ripples. We then got the opportunity to squeeze our bodies through a small ice arch. Jess took photos of us as soon as we made it to through to the other side. I only mention this because she went into a fit of hysterics when I popped out and posed for the camera. She said all she could see were two eyebrows flying up into my forehead. I must admit, my eyebrows do wacky things. It’s in their nature.
During our downward trek we would sometimes take breaks when other groups obstructed our path. On these breaks we often had walls of ice boxing us in, so I’d refresh myself by licking them. It was the first ice water I’d had on the whole trip! (Note to Schubert: It’s just like Germany here – no ice!)
Below, with the grandeur of the glacier rising behind us, we took a group photo. Then I borrowed the ice axe to take a picture of yours truly looking kick-ass (in my own lazy way, of course). I did take a few swings into the ice for good measure. Very fun!
Our crampons were removed the moment we stepped back onto rock. Good thing, too, because hard metal scraping against stone doesn’t sound too hot – like nails on a chalkboard. By the time we reached the valley floor we had been on our glacier adventure for approximately 9 hours!
The good news: This excursion carried the same cost as 3 minutes of bungy jumping. Awesome deal!
The bad news: We hadn’t gotten to use a toilet for 9 hours!
Naturally, both Katie and I were to the point of bursting. I’m not trying to be vulgar, I’m just stating a fact. And we still had 40 minutes of valley floor to cross! We strode over sliding rock with one thing on our minds, and when we got to the other side Jess had this regrettable news: The bus had just left with another group and we’d have to wait until they got back to pick us up. Oy!
We still had to walk a short path through the forest to get to the parking lot. Because of the delay, however, Jess suggested taking us on the rainforest trail. I wanted to shout: “For the love of God, I’ve seen rain forests! What I want to see is a bathroom!” I bit my tongue, of course. Poor Katie was in worse shape than I. An hour earlier we’d been joking about our state of discomfort. Now we were tight lipped and white knuckled. We just stared at the ground and marched, hoping beyond hope that there was a bathroom at the parking lot, because if there wasn’t I suspected we were going to make like animals in the bush
When we finally made it to the parking lot we were relieved to find bathroom facilities (and I mean relieved in every sense of the word).
That evening, tuckered out from our day on the ice, we enjoyed complimentary passes to the local hot pools. There were three pools of varying degrees: hot, hotter, and hottest. It loosened the muscles nicely, and despite the communal feel the atmosphere was lovely and tranquil.
It was a nearly perfect day. The only downside: Due to the reflection off the ice Katie was now sporting a mustache sun burn.
UPDATE! Alice and Katie are now embarking on a Round the World trip!
Visit aliceintraveland.com to follow along on their continuing