Thailand. The starty bit of the trip....
Trip Start
Mar 03, 2005
1
235
Trip End
Ongoing
Bangkok,
Thailand
Friday, March 18, 2005
3/3/05 - 6/3/05
BANGERS
My first few days have been spent in Bangkok, Thailand. I've been stocking up on protective equipment for the trip. Some would call it shopping for t-shirts and 3/4 length shorts. The highlight would be the ability to purchase a fighting cock, pet squirrel or re-hashed Levi's at the Chatuchak Weekend Market. Although I required none of the above I did consider going one of the cock's just for the sake of it. There's nothing more impressive than having the ability to say I'm packing a fighting cock.
I did experience my first potential mugger at the market - think he was one of the apparently infamous 'razor gang' who cut open your bag and steal whatever drops out. I also was on the receiving end of my first scam'ee attempt. "Nice shoes, where did you get them" was his opening line. "Australia" I said. I could see the next one coming - "where in Australia?". "Sydney" - my first lie. "Oh do you know the Sydney General Hospital because my nephew works there?". "No I'm from the country and haven't been in Sydney long" - my second lie. "Anyway, gotta fly!". From the conversation I couldn't tell if he was more your gem scam or your gambling scam, but I wasn't hanging about. He was right though, they are nice shoes.
I was only a small step away from being cast as an extra in a Thai television series. I stumbled onto a set in the back blocks of Silom Road. It looked like some form of teen show, but with a guy dressed up in a large tin can outfit. Prior to each scene they would whack in dry ice to the top of the can, so that when he ran in, steam would be pouring out of his head. No, I'm not on drugs.
The Massaman Curry is still one of Thailand's finest inventions, as is Singha Beer for that matter. Except when the waiter drops it next to you, smashing glass and beer all over your leg and camera case. Some things don't change in Bangkok. Fat old guys still walk around with skinny young Thai girls. At 6pm at all train stations the Thais still stop to attention and play their national anthem. And "hello sexy man, you welcome...." is still yelled at you from bars across the street when you are wandering around town. Or is that just for me....
7/3 - 10/3
KOH SAMET VIA PATTAYA
After watching the F1 GP all the way from Melbourne (complete with Thai commentary) I caught the bus to Pattaya, which is a stop off on the way to Koh Samet Island. My hotel is in the 'hootchie' part of town - but given that the whole town is 'hootchie' I guess that can't be helped. Being called "Sexy Man" is kind of flattering the first two or three hundred times, but from then on its kind par se. And its remarkably disappointing to find out that any male walking alone is a sexy man.
I ran into a couple of American girls who I met on the Songthaew into town - Denise and Anne, who are New Jersey girls who live in Maine, USA. In terms of Westerners, its unusual to see anything but fat European men here in Pattaya, or strange looking couples, so two single white females and one tall bald dude stood out in the crowd. Denise and Anne were looking for a beach side place for a couple of days, and had no idea Pattaya was as it is - sleeeeazy. They did however use the opportunity of my company to walk us through the Go Go Bar areas (passing 'The Legless Arms' pub, which I did like), somehow imagining that I was going to save them if they were hassled. We stopped off for a couple of drinks at a non-Go Go venue (one of few really) to take in the crowd. The girls were served Mai Tais in glasses shaped as nude women, which pretty much summed up the surrounds.
I'm picking up a few Thai words, mostly to get rid of local vendors. "My Lo" is apparently 'no with a little extra'. I have no idea what that little extra is - it could be "no nick off" or "no way" or "god no" but it seems to work because as soon as you say it, they disappear. As they say in the commercial for the milky chocolate drink, (wait for it...) - "its marvelous what a difference My Lo makes...."
The stereotype in Pattaya is fat German old guys with their tiny Thai 'Girlfriends'. That does lead to some interesting scenarios. I did see a fight between a European guy and his Thai girl - they were wandering down the street (always slowly because more often than not the men are chronicly obese) and he said something to her. She turned and punched him in the chest and stormed off. But the highlight was late in the night when I was in 7-11. An old drunk westerner stormed in with his little lady, and started rifling through their condom collection on the counter. "Bigger ones, have you got any bigger ones. I need bigger ones. I'm like a volcano". Enough said I guess.
Koh Samet is another two or three hours beyond Pattaya, but pretty much a world away. The island is clean, the water is blue, and the bars are normal. My bungalow was a very basic setup, but with a good view and a $13.50 price tag (negotiated down from $16) its all good. Obviously this is where my scuz-bucket tour of the world commences.
Those of you who don't want to read about 'lazing' should switch off now. Basically I spent three days with the same routine. Get up, wander up the beach and have breakfast at the beachside restaurant. Move to their beach deckchairs and sit all day on the sand, occasionally getting up to go into the water. Get out of deckchair in the afternoon and return to bungalow. Shower, change clothes, wander round at dusk, go back to beachside restaurant to lie on the beach drinking beer and eating freshly barbecued scallops, seafood and Thai food for around $6. Wander back towards bungalow, stopping at bar for another beer with feet up watching waves roll in. Repeat daily. Hate me, I dare you.
One thing that is apparent is that some of the grossly obese European men have bought their little Thai girlfriends with them from Pattaya to Koh Samet. Is there nothing worse than extraordinarily overweight semi nude budgie-smuggling wearing gents walking on the beach with their Thai rady friends? I'm afraid there is.... topless grannies. For some reason there were quite a few 'older generation' ladies on the island who decided it was a good thing to go with the flow and let it all hang out. Alas all it meant was that they'll have terribly strange tan lines across their stomachs due to major league sag issues.
Mental Note #1: If/when I'm in my 50s/60s, if/when I'm on holidays in Asia, if/when I'm horribly obese with an eight inch gut overhang over my togs, if/when I've changed my nationality to German, if/when my man boobies are an astounding 36C, if/when I decide to where horizontally striped Speedos, if I decide to get a temporary thai girlfriend who is one third of my body weight... I will ask myself - "Do I Look Dignified?"
11/3 - 12/3
BACK TO BANGERS
I learned a number of things that I never expected to in my return to Bangkok - a new term for Speedos, that Thai Boxing isn't as violent as it first appears, and there is a burgeoning latin element to Bangkok.
I returned to Bangers after watching the Thai ladies wave off their (now former) boyfriends at the bus station.
Its a Friday night in Melbourne - you might decide to head down to the 'G' for a Pie, a beer, and watch the footy. As they say, when in Rome.... hence I went down to the 'L' (Lumphini Stadium) to see the Friday night choice of sports in Bangkok - Muay Thai/Thai Kickboxing. Lumphini Stadium makes Festival Hall in Melbourne look modern. Its a old wooden and tin roofed Coliseum that is a fire hazard waiting to happen. There are three tiers in the stands - hence I headed for the cheap seats at the back (which weren't actually seats, it was standing room) to watch the action. Close enough anyway.
There were around 10 bouts of 5 rounds each. One side of the stadium is packed with locals, who tend to spend the first two rounds studying the fighters. Then the frenzy begins... they throw their hands into the are giving signals and yelling at touts, making bets on who is going to win. Its all done on trust, with no betting slips issued. Then as the final rounds take place, the crowd roars and chants with every knee, kick or punch. Its feverish excitement with yelling and screaming of their chosen fighter. At the end of the fight, everyone comes good with their cash if they lose.
Unfortunately there are no pies - just peanuts and popcorn, which was actually really good (perhaps because the cooking oil was first used some time in the 60s....) I did expect boxers to be knocked senseless in the ring, but all in all no one actually got knocked out. They are highly athletic, but also have quality defensive skills, so no one really got the living bejeezus belted out of them.
I ran into New Jersey-girl Denise and some of her new friends at the boxing, and also met a Dutchman named Matthias who had been living round the corner in East StKilda, studying sports management, who barracks for Hawthorn. Its a small world really.
After we'd had enough of the pugilists, we headed out for a quick bite, which was where I learned the American slang term for Speedos. "Banana Hammock". Almost as good as "Budgie Smugglers" in my books. Then I was introduced to the Latino side of Bangers - a latin dance club. Its a mish-mash of locals and expats expertly dancing Salsa and sipping Mojitos. I did receive my first Salsa lesson after a few hip-loosening local brews. I think the general consensus is that my Merengue is better than my Salsa - alas we didn't get a chance to see if my Cha Cha is far far from par par.
A rather unique combination - kicking boxing and Salsa. Enough to keep both Gus Mercurio (old boxing commentator) and his son Paul Mercurio (Strictly Ballroom) happy I'd imagine.... (sorry to those not old enough to understand that one).
I made an attempt to leaving Bangkok on the Saturday to head to the Kwai River and Kanchanaburi. Alas although I was told that the train for K'Chan leaves the main train station in Bangers, upon arrival I was told that it actually leaves across town. Given I had 25 minutes to cross the busiest section of the madness that is Bangkok in order to catch the second and final train for the day, I gave up and returned to the hostel where Denise and Friends were staying. 'Suk 11' is the coolest little place in town. The rooms are basic, but the air-con is icy cool, the surrounds are tastefully done to make the corridors appear like asian longhouses , and its got a unique charm to it built out of travellers looking after other travellers. A very groovy vibe indeed.
The extra day in Bangers was not wasted, with another trek out to the weekend market. This time instead of Fighting Cocks, I was introduced to the unique stalls housing all things other, er, cock related. There are a number of stalls dedicated to various potions and cremes to enhance ones, um, performance. Also there is a remarkable collection of, well, um, elastic and latex ring-things to put round your bits involving feathers, fur and strangely sharp looking articles. Allegedly these are meant to enhance everyone's excitement. In my opinion, whacking sharp looking articles on your cheese 'n crackers ain't gonna please anyone. All tastefully done of course.
Ironically dinner was with Denise and a Belgian called Dirk, who's name is pronounced "Dick". Which has a certain ring to it....
Definitely not a wasted day in hindsight.
13/3 - 14/3
KANCHANABURI
At a second attempt I did eventually make it (by bus) to Kanchanaburi, which is home of the River Kwai, the start of the Thai Burma railway, and the famous Bridge Over The River Kwai (insert appropriate whistling from the movie here). After a rickshaw drive through town (as you do) to my bungalow of choice which is actually built over the river, I hired a motorbike to head off to the various memorials in relation to the Thai Burma Death Railway.
The memorials and museums hold a collection of photos and items from the horror that was the camps and construction of the railway in WWII through over 400 kms of jungle. I found going to these, and the Kanchanburi War Cemetary (which has over 7,000 allied dead, all with personal messages and descriptions on their plaques), quite an emotional experience. It is all too vivid to read the stories and then be exposed to the sheer number of graves in front of your eyes. Back on the motorbike to cruise through town to the actual Bridge Over The River Kwai, the one that was bombed during WWII, followed by a trip to a local market to dine out on healthy looking vegetables and noodles.
The first dodgy stomache experience on any trip is always a momentous occasion. Its the reminder of one of the joys of travelling - when is it time to leave the hotel toilet behind and face the prospect of an untimely call of nature when the little luxuries aren't around (such as toilet paper, a Western-style sit down toilet rather than a squat, or facilities without piss all over the floor). Thankfully things settled a little in time for me to head out on a tour I had booked.
The usual Asian-tour setup had me jammed into a minibus with two Russians and three Canadians. My main aim was to see Hellfire Pass and the Death Railway, but as always they throw in extra bits and pieces that are of little interest. Usually its a water-less waterfall or a malarial mosquito infested hotspring. Today it was both of those.
Hellfire Pass is a 150 metre cutting through 10 metres deep of rock, that was constructed predominantly by Australian POWs. Most of the rock was removed by hand, with the help of the odd stick of dynamite or hand drill. You can't help but imagine how the hell anyone could cope let alone survive - dysentery, cholera, malaria, malnutrition, beatings, punishing work, little rest, no protective footwear or clothing from the horrendous tropical conditions. And here is me whinging from a dodgy stomache.
Parts of the Death Railway constructed during the War are still in use, including some precarious viaducts over the river which rattled like, well, like a 60 year old precarious viaduct. We travelled aboard along a 90 minute stretch back into town, finishing by crossing the famous bridge.
15/3 - 17/3
HUA HIN VIA BANGERS AGAIN
I returned to Bangers for another night in order to make my way down south to Hua Hin for a few days. I'm actually really enjoying this city this time. Maybe its the absolute star of a place I'm staying, or the company I'm keeping. I have been spending a lot of time with Denise, who apart from being a veteran traveller (veteran in the experienced traveller sense, not in the age sense as she's younger than me), is an absolute gem of a person. Alas, she is off to Burma tomorrow. She may be sneaking over to India in May when I am there so we may run into each other again sometime soon.
Hua Hin is a 4 hour train ride from Bangers, heading towards the Isthmas of Kra, the skinny bit of Thailand. I'm actually a little sad to be moving on today as I've become a little attached to this place. The second class air-con trains are icily chilled at a constant 20 degrees, which sounds quite mild, until you've been in mid 30s and high humidity for a couple of weeks.
Hua Hin is a level down on speed compared to the other parts of Thailand I've been to. Its beachside, but its without the sleaze. The beach is clean and exceptionally long - perfect for walking, and walking, and walking.... Alas it is relatively busy, and is busy with middle to retirement age couples lazing around on the beach semi-nude. Even the old blokes seem to be out there with their thong-bathers on. Hence more than three hours on the beach was about all I could handle, so the call of the 100cc motorbike beckoned me again, and I cruised out of town for a look-see.
Murray's Law Of Travel #2: When packing for a trip away to the sun, if you are not in your thirties as a maximum, are not Brazilian nor have had a Brazilian (if you get my drift), or are carrying a few extra kilos, then you should not be packing thong swimwear into your suitcase - be you male or female...
Alas the Thai habit of building bathroom door frames at the height of 5'11" has struck me down here in Hua Hin. Given I'm 6'2", I have hit my head about half a dozen times or so at this guest house. I don't think the local cleaning lady was impressed with my "f*&#ing sh#t of a f*&#ing door son of a b&#ch...." as I whacked myself again. She was behind me and I had no idea.
SIDE NOTE NON-TRAVEL RELATED: Also, I'm a little sad because I have a new friend who I have missed being near to when she was coming into the world - Natalie Skofic born at 2.01pm Wednesday afternoon (Melb time) to the brave Lisa and excitable Rog. I will always remember the moment of Natalie's birth - I was showering in cold water via torchlight at 10.01am Bangkok time due to a power failure in a storm, which took out the lighting and the hot water with it....
18/3
FINAL NIGHT IN BANGKOK, THAILAND
Tomorrow I fly out for Guangzhou in China. After arriving back from Hua Hin via minibus (congratulations to the driver for halving the time back to Bangkok to two hours - I may take to Thai Whisky now to calm my nerves...) its off to the Foreign Correspondants Bar later on for a drink with a few familiar faces from Suk 11. I am foreign, I am corresponding, hence I should get in. If all else fails, I might put on a tweed jacket with elbow patches, worn jeans, and Blundstones, and break into a little "don't you know who I am, I'm George Negus...."
I haven't covered much ground here in Thailand, but the whole idea was to have a little 'holiday' before the hard 'travelling' starts. It has certainly served its purpose, with good times all round. Bangers has had a bum wrap over the years, and this time around I have developed a greater respect for what it has to offer. Maybe I'm becoming too used to it - baby elephants in the street, one legged beggars dragging themselves through gutters at your feet, "you wan massass" constantly shouted at you, the horrors of Bangkok traffic, the pungent aromas.... its all passed me by this time. I've noticed them, but they seem to be just a regular part of everyday life here, so you take it in and keep moving. Only the good side seems to have shined through this time - the food, the people, the Temple of The Emerald Buddha, the food, the Fitness First Gym that is 200 metres around the corner which has let me in no worries, the food.... And I'm still a "sexy man".
