Hoi An
Trip Start
Apr 20, 2003
1
16
24
Trip End
Jun 10, 2003
Hoi An,
Vietnam
Wednesday, June 4, 2003
I checked out of my hotel (a ridiculous AUD$65 for 4 nights, plus they did
my laundry) and left Hue for Hoi An - a 6 hour bus ride with stop offs along
the way. The (standard size large) bus was virtually empty, with just me and
five others for the AUD$3 journey in air-conditioned comfort. We passed a
number of local buses on the way - they are cheaper, not air conditioned and
completely chockers. They strap their luggage, their motorbikes and their
chicken coups to the roof. It looks crazy in comparison to the bus I'm in.
Unfortunately we also passed a truckload of puppies on the way, which is not
a pretty sight. I would assume they were off to market in Danang.
We stopped off at Lang Co beach ("5 minutes"), which is about an hour from
Hue. It was an empty stretch of sand with a couple of nice looking hotels -
I considered getting off and continuing but decided to keep going. Later on
we stopped at the top of the Hai Van Pass. The pass is at the top of a
mountain range that separates Hue and Danang. We stopped long enough ("5
minutes") for the obligatory photo down into the valleys, and obligatory
"hello where are you from, I am single, would you like to buy some water"
hassle from the locals. It was actually very nice at the top - you look down
from jungle mountains into the valleys and beaches on either side from an
old French fort. US Troops used the Fort at the top of the Hai Van Pass as a
lookout, prior to getting kicked in the Kyber Pass later as the Communists
pushed south....
We were also meant to stop at China Beach (home of the TV series) but for
some reason didn't (perhaps there were so few of us that the driver thought
we wouldn't notice). Instead we went to the caves at Marble Mountain. Here's
my tip - if you ever end up at Marble Mountain between Hue and Danang, don't
go in unless you enjoy the smell of copious amounts of pungent bat poo. ("20
minutes" - its always the way, too much time at the crap spots)
The bus drove through Danang - I'm glad I decided not to stay the night as
it looked pretty ho-hum... and onto Hoi An. They stopped in front of a hotel
at one end of town and tried to push us all in. My English friends had
recommended another place (some friends of theirs had been to Hoi An
previously) so I pushed aside the "cheap cheap room" guys and headed off to
the other end of town. A 1.5km walk in the blazing sun, with everyone
stopping to say "hello, my auntie has a shop would you like to visit". Hoi
An is tailor town. You won't find a 7-Eleven anywhere - but you can get a 3
piece suit made within 12 hours instead. At this stage I would have
preferred a Slurpee.
Although slightly out of town, the hotel is brilliant. Six months old,
immaculate views over rice paddies, swimming pool.... and AUD$22 a night,
and that's for the expensive rooms. First things first - a cool off in the
pool, followed by a late afternoon wander into town through the market and
into the Old Quarter. Hoi An is an historic old place, and thankfully was
not damaged in any of the wars that the Vietnamese have fought over the past
few hundred years. The older buildings (a mish mash of Chinese and French)
are in better nick than Hanoi, because of less pollution and a $5 entry fee
for certain buildings, so they are looking after things.
The touts were driving me nuts - I walked into one tailor to have a look,
mainly because they weren't hassling anyone. Next thing I know is I'm being
measured up for a rather swanky jacket for AUD$30 which will be ready at
11am the next day. If they do a good job I'll order some more and post
things home....
I got an email from the Pom Girls, some of whom are rolling into town
tomorrow.
Dinner was one of the local specialties - Fried Wantons. It almost looked
like Nachos, as there was a tomato topping, with crab meat I believe. One of
those "this tastes great, just don't tell me what it is incase its horrid"
meal moments that you get in Asia.
TAILOR'S COMMISSION, ALL NIGHT HAPPY HOUR, and SNAKE WINE
Today is my first braceless knee day. Hoorah! After a swim, I decided to go
back to the old town for a better look because it was getting dark yesterday
when I was there. Firstly I made a trip back ot the tailor to inspect the
work - the jacket has come up a treat so I take the plunge an order "a few
things"..... (um, another jacket, 6 shirts, and drop in my Billabong
boardies so they can make identical copies).
A fantastic breaky at an Oz-owned place followed by a look in and around the
old buildings around the town. Then home made ice-cream and a cool drink
sitting on a cafe's upstairs balcony watching the local ladies in their
conical (and comical) hats ride by on their bikes. Not a bad way to spend
part of the day really.
Back to the hotel for another cool off swim, and I hire a bike and head into
town to catch up with two of the Pom Girls (Rosie and Bec) and also Ian (the
non-Lions Australian) and Vinh (the Culture Club bloke) who are also in
town. I take them all to my tailor, who is delighted with the extra business
and quietly mentions that I'll be getting a little commission on the side
(eg. discount on my purchases).
Back out for dinner - Vinh and his very quiet Japanese friend Kurato pick
the dodgiest looking place so I opt out of eating the "all the salmonella
you can eat!" food via the new Adrian Prawn Rule. ("I've had a few bad run
ins with prawns so I can't touch them now...") I'm not the only one who
declines, but most others tuck in.
We headed off to a place that has 'happy hour' between 4pm and 9pm. That
means 2 vodkas for the equivalent of AUD$1.40... and they claim its Stoli's
(though I'm sure they lie). Thankfully they also serve food so those that
didn't eat at the other dive, eat here with me. At one stage I purchased a
round of ten drinks for $7.40.
Someone bought me a Snake Wine. As the name suggests, its made somehow from
snake - cobra I believe from the floating specimens left in the large jar
that it is poured from. It is very strong, one shot quite possibly running
your standard Victa lawn mower for the full summer. Contrary to indications
above I do not drink a great deal, though the colloquial saying "having a
night out on the snake's hiss" was never more appropriate.
Within a couple of hours one of the English girls, Bec, who ate at the dodgy
place, is driving the porcelain bus. Nothing to do with alcohol, it indeed
looks like food was not so crash hot.
BLOODY ICE, TIN TIN IN VIETNAM and OFF PIZZA
Woke up this morning ill again. This time I reckon it was the ice in the
drinks - you always ask if they use filtered water, but sometimes yes means
no....
A quick swim in between trips to the 'little room', followed by a bike ride
into town for another fitting and to pick up clothes from the tailor's,
which is now chock full of people I've met and recommended them to. If you
are ever in Hoi An, "The Tin Tin Tailor" in Le Loi Street is THE place. The
Vietnamese appear Tin Tin happy (remember the cartoon Tin Tin?). There are
T-Shirts all over town with the characters on the front, and "Tin Tin In
Vietnam" written above the pictures. Personally I was never a fan.
The other two English girls (Emma and Wendy) are now in town after their
trip to Sapa with the locals. It turned out to be a rather annoying
adventure - the locals drove at ridiculous speeds, snorted heroin, and
constantly tried to crack on to them. Probably why they don't mind hanging
out with me, as I've done none of the above... we all know I prefer to
inject my smack rather than snorting.
I'm sick, Bec is sick, Rosie is feeling dodgy. The other blokes are ok so
they think I have the guts of a pansy (they aren't wrong really). Vinh
(being of Asian origin) has the stomache of an Ox. I head back to the hotel
for a rest as I am feeling crap all over again.
At 2pm I decide I'm hungry so I head downstairs for a plain pizza, figuring
that some straight western food would do the trick. Alas that turned out to
be the wrong decision as the pizza appears to have been off as well. Hence
without going into great details, lets just say the floodgates were open at
all ends. Not happy Jan.
I'm in the hotel for the rest of the day, apart from a short trip into town
to pick up some plain bread. I can't face the thouight of watching people
eat food. I'm left watching the wrestling on TV, as its the only English
channel I seem to have on this particular evening (its the "Hell In A Cell"
match). Another day lost to dodgy food and drink.
COMMUNIST RED TAPE, HOT HOT HOT SAND and MY $1 CHAUFFEUR
I'm feeling better so I ride a bike into town for a good breakfast at my now
favourite Oz place, and read some western magazines. The place where I hire
the bike is basically a family home next door to the hotel - they do my
laundry ($1 a day), hire me bikes ($1 a day) and their young bloke who is a
student of language at university gives me motorbike taxi rides into town
($1 a ride).
I headed off to the Post Office with all of my new purchases - in the end
4.7kgs of clothes to send home. (now I know that sounds like a lot... well
you are right, it is). I was stuck in the Post Office for 75 minutes of
Communistic Red-tape Hell. They check and count everything you are sending,
and you have to fill out four forms. The guy next to me had written down 15
Silk Ties on his form, and got a stern "16" yelled at him by the postal
worker who counted his things prior to boxing. It was like 'The Soup Nazi'
episode of Seinfeld...."same same but different" as they constantly say
here.
I rode out to Cua Dai Beach, which is 4km from Hoi An. Its a nice stretch of
white sand with calm waters and umbrellas and deckchairs set up 25 metres
from the water's edge. I couldn't understand why people were sprinting from
the brollies to the water until I took off my thongs. Yowser that sand was
near boiling. The water is very clear, which meant I could see the large
jellyfish floating around. Doh - there goes the 'swim up and down the beach'
idea. I was left sitting in knee deep water looking out for the jellies for
a few hours. Could be worse I guess.
Dinner was with the usual suspects, plus a few others they had met along the
way, including a friend bloke named Julianne (or was that just the
pronounciation), a couple of Kiwi "chucks", and a few Irish and English
fellas. Then it was "Home James!" as my $1 Chauffeur hung around waiting for
the trip home.
WE ARE THE CHAMPAS MY FRIENDS, GREAT NAMES FOR TOWNS and THE WORLD'S
CRAPPEST TELEVISED TENNIS TOURNAMENT
Up early for a half day tour of the "Kingdom OF CHAMPAaaaaa" (must be yelled
like a boxing announcer). The Kingdom's ruins are at My Son, about 90
minutes by bus from Hoi An. On the way we went through my now favourite name
for a town anywhere in the world...
'PHUC KIEU'
I kid you not. There's no other way of pronouncing it either. I desparately
wanted the bus to stop so I could speak to one of the locals...
"So where are you from?"
"Phuc Kieu"
"Jeez, there's no need to be rude, just wanted to know where you are
from...."
"Who's on first?"
The ruins at My Son are reasonable, but not as grandiose as those at
Ayutthaya outside of Bangkok. We were meant to be there for 2 hours but it
was really no more than half an hours entertainment. I was back at the hotel
by 12.30pm for a cool off.
Upon my return I switched on the TV and caught a few minutes of a local
tennis tournament. These were the crappiest players ever to end up on
national television anywhere in the world... (Quent I swear during our
finest hours in Year 9 doubles back in '86 we would have outdone these
guys). It was like watching the Preston Over 35 C Graders, on national TV.
After a swim, I booked a plane ticket to Nha Trang (my next stop on the tour
of Vietnam) and went for a slow bike ride round a few parts of town that I
hadn't seen. I then got to say goodbye to the family from next door who had
done my washing and provided my transport. They were very friendly and had
appreciated my spending - I was probably paying double what I should have,
but I was happy with that as it was a little like a World Vision
sponsorship, only short term....
