I'm a mess

Trip Start Feb 03, 2008
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Trip End Ongoing


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Flag of United States  , Missouri,
Friday, October 17, 2008

Ok, I'm fading as it's 2 a.m. and I'm in the back lounge, tired and cold.  And again a bit pissed off.  Which leads me back to the thoughts I jotted down back in St. Louie.
 
"I am pissy, pissy, pissy.  I swear I really should learn to focus on work and forget about boys, or a boy at this point.  I wonder sometimes if I'll ever have a true grasp on my emotions surrounding men again.  Maybe that's my loss for walking away from a marriage.  A punishment?  I was so secure in that relationship and so trusting.  But bored.  Is the excitement worth the up and down? "

And will I ever not be this jealous, demanding person that needs more and more from a guy that I like?   I want to be content.  I want to have minimal expectations.  But I just can't grasp it.  I'm wondering if this is all a sign that I should be alone.  And focus on things outside myself.  Or am I meant to keep working at this and hopefully, grow in this area?

Enough of that garbage for now.  I'm slinking into me bunk. :)
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