Narrative of a bad decision
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I have lotion…and Vaseline.
Yep…Vaseline and lotion.
When I was preparing for this trip I made sure to go to my Phoenix hairdresser and get a good conditioning and fresh perm. We talked about how this was going to work for the health of my hair. I had already talked to my Boston hairdresser about good products to use if I had to do my own hair, I even consulted the woman who used to do my hair when I was a child and talked to her.
But all I brought… was lotion and Vaseline
Vaseline is not for your hair. It is known neighborhood fact that Vaseline is for feet and lips. Putting it in your hair is a disaster…but I have only heard rumors, I never tried it myself. Lotion…I mean, Luster has Pink Lotion and old school Vitapoint is like a lotion but is called hairdressing.
I stared at my choices and weighed the pros and cons
While my towel and washcloth seemed to never dry…my hair was like a Brillo pad.
My scalp was on fire and I was sure my brush was begging for the relief that just a little moisture would bring.
There are like 7 salons within walking distance of my house, but none of the pictures or people that work there look like me.
I mean why was there no random Dominican shop? Some of them look like me and have hair and they are world renowned for their hair styling ability. The only other group in my neighborhood is the Chinese. And while it is always catches me off guard to hear them speak with an Asian accent; they don't look like me or have hair like me either.
I had to decide…lotion (I mean there is a such thing as pink hair Lotion) …no …Vaseline (It’s closer to hair grease)…no…lotion (the scalp is skin right?) …no…Vaseline but it is thick and kind of gross)…okay lotion it is.
I opened my tub of Aveeno Skin Repair, looked in the mirror, took a deep breath, parted my hair and started lathering lotion into my scalp.
So…I should have known that this experiment would not turn out well. The lotion was going on thick and white. It looked more like a perm than a routine scalp grease-age.
I had to commit.
I had no time for regrets. The lotion, though thick and gross, was soothing and cool on my desert scalp. This is going to be fine I thought…umm then I tried to comb through it…not so fine. The comb sludged through. It was like my hair was matted to my scalp…yet still hay at the ends .
Nice…All I needed to do next was to brush some baby hair on my forehead and gather my short hair into a rubber band with bobby pins on the side. Instead, I thought I should attempt to take a curling iron to it. I was on about the 4th curl when the burning smell almost made me pass out. ..sheesh.
Finally I just decided to just brush my hair behind my ears and call it a day. I could feel the pressure of the brush, but the lotion had coagulated and my hair was too thick to feel it on my scalp.
Jeez…just add my hair to the list: my toes look like eagle talons, my eyebrows like Al. B. Sure, and now my hair looks like I mixed JAM and Pro-Con gel together in some sort of middle school mistake.
I am having a ball…but dang-it if I don’t look a freaking mess.