The Amazing Race
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Lots of really gross stuff has happened in London over the years. We spent 5 days running around trying to find out as much grossness as we could. To start us off we visited the London Dungeon. Here we learned many gruesome tales.
Firstly, Sweeney Tood, the hairdresser that took a bit too much off the top. The story goes that he had a trap door that dropped his customer/victim to a cellar below his barber shop
Secondly, Jack the Ripper, ripped the guts out of the five women he killed. He left a note to say he ate half a kidney from one of his victims. He was never caught.
In the torture chamber, we were given demonstrations of how torture was administered. One instrument was for pulling out a victims tongue, one for hooking victims up on the wall (of cause the hook could be stuck in various orifices) and another for castration. The later could be purchased from the gift shop. It came in small, medium and liar sizes. Bwahaha!!
In 1666 London burned like rotten sticks. The fire started at a bakers shop. Five days later more than 80% of London had been destroyed and it took fifty years to rebuild.
Prior to the fires, London had been gripped by a deadly plague. Thousands of people were dying every week (hence the Monty Python saying “bring out your dead, bring out your dead” and they certainly did) and they were carried away each night to be buried in mass graves
As the city grew, the Thames River got dirtier. All sorts of rubbish, pollution and raw sewage were dumped into it. The water in peoples taps came straight out the same river. People had to start drinking and bathing in beer. At one point the smell from the river caused a national outcry.
There were lots of rides and theatrics throughout the London Dungeon exhibit. Brandi-Chanel was trialled at court for weeing in wells on Wednesdays. She was found guilty and sentenced to the firing squad. She got off with it though cause she was just a kid - hooray!
We went on a 5D laser ride, as we spun around in the darkness, we had to duck, dive, dodge and shoot our way out
If all this wasn’t gory, disgusting and scary enough, all four of us were sent off to witness a hanging - our own. In the dark we were taken to hear our fait - then whoop - down we went - an absolutely terrifying, scream curdling experience. That was the conclusion of our London Dungeon escapade.
Horrible Histories was playing live on stage at the Garrick Theatre. We got tickets and were entertained to a musical satire of Barmy Britain.
The Romans, when they arrived, gave the English a MasterChef class. One of the new culinary dishes - the innards and gizzards of fish, placed in a jar, herbs were added and left to putrefy for three months and then eaten. Aaaggghhh!!
We knew Henry VIII had several wives that he did mean things to, but we learned how to remember what happened to each of them - divorced, beheaded, died, divorced, beheaded, survived.
During WWI more soldiers died in hospital than they did on battlefields
The Brits loved a good old hanging and there was lots of stuff that you could be hanged for. Like stealing from a rabbit warren, impersonating a Chelsea pensioner, having your face blackened or wearing a false mustache. Ooooo-er!
During Medieval Britain, people were so poor they might sell their baby to a baby farmer for as little as five pounds. One women had been happily collecting the dosh for 20 years before she was found to have been throwing the little bubbies in the river.
Guy Falks and his cronies were going to blow up parliament and had the gun powder to do it. In fact, he had enough gun powder to blow up equivalent to 25 parliaments. He got caught before it happened, but he’s still famous today for having tried.
Richi, Mila, Widuri, Hanif and Suhaylah dropped into London for the weekend which was splendid
Richi and Mila shouted us dinner at an Indonesian Restaurant - it was scrumptious!! Widuri slept over the night - all three girls slept on the fold out dinette and got the giggles every time Bill kon-tot (fluffed). Thanks heaps for your visit!!
The next day we followed on the trail of the 60’s and 70’s rock n rollers. The Markie Clubs was where the bands would perform. They were not allowed to promote themselves however, so patrons would pay to enter a club and it could be anyone ... Jimmi Hendrix, Van Morrison, Elton John, Eric Clapton, AC-DC, the Rolling Stones ... One of the clubs had to be demolished because the vibrations from 20 years of music had made it unstable.
AND YES - we strutted our way across the zebra crossing on Abbey Road and had our photo taken to prove it. Only to find out later we'd gone ass about - uh well
From Abbey Road we went on to Kensington Palace, which happened to be opened to the public. William and Kate will be calling Kensington home. It was also Princess Diana’s and Queen Victoria’s home, as well as lots of others. In the late 1600’s, Queen Anne lived there. She had 18 children, only one survived, William, and he died at the age of 11. We saw William’s bedroom and the bed he slept on 300 years ago - ghastly!
We went to Harrod’s - cause our friend, Fletch, told us to (and to buy hair ties). We looked at a wallet - it was 525 pounds. Brandi-Chanel said, “If a wallet is 525 pounds, I don’t think we’ll be buying hair ties.” We bought lunch instead - 3 sandwiches, 1 cup of soup and 3 pieces of cake - A$50. It did get packaged in Harrod’s bags though, which we planned to keep, only we spilt the soup on the bags so threw them in the bin.
The essential London sites were also viewed:-
- Trafalgar Square
- Tower of London
- St Paul's Cathedral
- Westminster Abbey
- Big Ben
- Thames River Cruise
- Shakespeare's Globe
- Buckingham Palace
PS We came in well under budget @ $A773.50 - Sheesh!!