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my wacky whacked-out brain
Entry 20 of 33 | show all | print this entry |
I have been experiencing something strange in recent weeks. I've written about it a bit with my church experiences but I don't think I've gone into full detail. The church situation has come to make me so uncomfortable that it warranted a discussion with my professor. It wasn't really planned, but grew out of a sort of mid-term review of my work and her comment that some of my note-taking was "woefully inadequate." Ouch. I'm not typically pegged as the inadequate student. Part of this is honestly due to the fact that I am so enthralled with just being here that I have been losing interest in working extra hard for school. But the other, and bigger, issue is that I get physically ill when going in to most churches. I have not been able to peg specifically what it is that makes me sick. It started out as a simple discomfort, moved into claustrophobia, and then on to a combination of claustrophobia and nausea. In many of the churches, I have been forced to simply stare at the floor because otherwise I will feel sick. Of course I'm thinking this is some whacked out thing in my head, probably due to my complicated but very vile "relationship" with religion. Perhaps it is; I still don't know.
So I had a discussion with my professor that included me crying (EMBARRASSING!! and unexpected). However, it was worth all the embarrassment because it turned in to a lovely conversation that left me feeling much better about my situation. I was entirely honest about the fact that I am finding I have a lack of interest in the typical things here, and that the value I'm getting is not coming directly from the historical information that is being fed to me. But I am getting something, something that I know will be more valuable to my life than any school work I complete here. Fortunately for me, she agrees. This does not mean I get cut any slack in the grading department but let's just say we have an understanding. She has now been continually making suggestions for me that may be more interesting ways to fulfill my requirements: drawing abstract versions of the Nolli Plan, a figure/ground map that shows how public and private spaces are shaped in Rome (this suggestion due to the fact that I seem to have more interest in urban planning than architecture); painting botanicals instead of buildings (this suggestion due to the fact that I obsessively take macro photos of flowers and like to analyze them); and the coolest suggestions of all...but one I'm not sure I could pull off...to use the weird experiences I have in churches to create some abstract painting of how it makes me feel. Our drawing requirements are supposed to be of places we go - interiors and exteriors - but as we have established I'm struggling with drive and interest in this area. I'm just grateful to have a teacher so understanding and compassionate, who wants this to be a fruitful experience for me.
So now on to the most fascinating piece of this puzzle. Elizabeth, my teacher, just told me today that she found out there is an actual name for this "illness" I have been experiencing! It's called Stendhal Syndrome, "a psychosomatic illness that causes rapid heartbeat, dizziness, confusion and even hallucinations when an individual is exposed to art, usually when the art is particularly 'beautiful' or a large amount of art is in a single place...It is named after the famous 19th century French author Stendhal (pseudonym of Henri-Marie Beyle), who described his experience with the phenomenon during his 1817 visit to Florence, Italy in his book Naples and Florence: A Journey from Milan to Reggio. Although there are many descriptions of people becoming dizzy and fainting while taking in Florentine art, especially at the Uffizi, dating from the early 19th century on, the syndrome was only named in 1979, when it was described by Italian psychiatrist Graziella Magherini, who observed and described more than 100 similar cases among tourists and visitors in Florence. The syndrome was first diagnosed in 1982." (from good ol' Wikipedia).
Elizabeth heard about this from a Roman architect, who assured her that I am not alone in my experience. I still don't know if this is exactly what makes me sick, or if it is more related to my psychological issues with churches. Perhaps a little of both, but in any case, I find it fascinating. PLUS, I now can joke about the fact that I have a syndrome! Does this mean I can call in sick to school and ask for special assistance due to the Americans with Disabilities Act???
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| 20. | my wacky whacked-out brain - Rome, Italy May 05, 2008 |
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