TravelStream™ news feed for member reneeonearth on TravelPod's free travel blogs service http://www.travelpod.com/syndication/rss/reneeonearth en-us Copyright ©2009 TravelPod.com Fri, 20 Jul 2007 02:55:22 -0400 http://www.travelpod.com http://www.travelpod.com/travel-blog-entries/reneeonearth/hawaii_2007/1170401880/tpod.html http://www.travelpod.com/travel-blog-entries/reneeonearth/hawaii_2007/1170401880/tpod.html#comments Travel Blogs http://www.travelpod.com/travel-blog-entries/reneeonearth/hawaii_2007/1170401880/tpod.html Fri, 20 Jul 2007 02:55:22 -0400 My healing and inspiring journey to the paradise of Hawaii.

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Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada

ok.
im sooo excited to leave!!
passin thru the border into bellingham with patti. will sleep there and take 4 am bus to Seattle for my flight!!
i have full faith in my Path... doors are opening swiftly and surely--- i am destined for Hawaii!
]]> http://www.travelpod.com/travel-blog-entries/reneeonearth/hawaii_2007/1184339460/tpod.html http://www.travelpod.com/travel-blog-entries/reneeonearth/hawaii_2007/1184339460/tpod.html#comments Travel Blogs http://www.travelpod.com/travel-blog-entries/reneeonearth/hawaii_2007/1184339460/tpod.html Wed, 18 Jul 2007 12:42:59 -0400 My healing and inspiring journey to the paradise of Hawaii.

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Barrie, Ontario, Canada

Awakening Reflections on Reflections
casting my gaze upon the pools
i am cool still waters
that run deep~

i am white ashes of melted fire...
soft & dissolving to the touch...
letting go is an illusion
as holding onto is impossible

i know i am
my family expands beyond bloodlines...
a SpiritBeing birthed in Creation
reincarnated infinitely

eyes of God

i reflect all broken bits
intertwined glints
of Perfect Lovelight
webbing the Connection of All~

i shine back the infinite blaze
& the deep shadows
of Gods face.

Each precious lightbeam-
mirrors wisdom -
for Great Spirit is both
guide
and follower.

gratitude for the gift of Life
to have this brief momentary flight
on this precious Earthplane.

All is stardust with eternal shine
embrace the darkness as it expands
infinately inwards and out...

i am All

awakening
as there is no last sleep...
]]> http://www.travelpod.com/travel-blog-entries/reneeonearth/hawaii_2007/1184256720/tpod.html http://www.travelpod.com/travel-blog-entries/reneeonearth/hawaii_2007/1184256720/tpod.html#comments Travel Blogs http://www.travelpod.com/travel-blog-entries/reneeonearth/hawaii_2007/1184256720/tpod.html Wed, 18 Jul 2007 12:40:20 -0400 My healing and inspiring journey to the paradise of Hawaii.

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Toronto, Ontario, Canada

challenging times in Ontario

ok i am having a very bad time here in ontario! i thought coming and seeing my family would be something i would regret if i didnt do it!

what a joke!

i regret coming here!

my family is so fuct up - it is impossible to come and have a good time unless a visit only lasts a few hours!

i realize how different i am from them. i see how little alliance i have with them. the lack of support or love from them is so disappointing.

always i continue to try to connect with my family and hope that somehow all the years of abuse and dysfunction can be overcome... i see over and over again that too much bad blood has come between us all. we break down into fights more and more the last few days as our visiting has continued over a week now.

i am worried about my fathers health - yet he refuses to do anything about it and dangerously neglects himself. anything i suggest to him is met with anger. any help i offer or food i cook is rejected and left uneaten.

my sister shows her sibling rivalry to its fullest - still surprising after all these years! her jealousy over my lifestyle, achivevements, & travelling spills over in her contemptuous heart.

i have been triggered over and over by their lack of understanding or interest in who i am now in my life. they despise any healing ive done and refuse any counselling or healing for themselves. i realize again now in my life that we cannot be a family that gets along if there is no acknowledgement of the past abuse or the present need for reconciliation or healing.

i have had a blow up fight with my dad and one with my sister in the last 4 days. i realize my resentment towards them is now there and i loose my temper and join in the raucous anger. my dad told me to fuck off. i couldnt believe the lack of respect and abuse i still receive from my family. its like im a child again in how i am treated.

i am disappointed not only in them but in myself. how could i behave so poorly after years of counselling, meditation, Buddhist practice, and since running away at 16- theres been long absence, distance and space. i've only seen my dad 3 times in 10 years. yet the deep unresolved problems are still there lurking underneath the initial days of visiting.

i see that i must let go of my hopes for a happy functional family. i know that it is impossible unless there is years of healing and counselling for everyone. impossible.

i wonder why i keep trying. i think it is a result of my own abuse from my childhood. i am still trying to win my family's love. i have always been the black sheep - the scapegoat, the rebel. i refuse to be their whipping boy anymore!

i want to return to BC but not really either. i want to see my Master and attend his 7 week silent retreat as its in progress now. thats the only thing i want right now.

i feel jaded and disillusioned. i feel like i just woke up and see how bad my family's dynamics still are. i feel no desire to visit here any longer. i understand now how the monks and nuns are able to renunciate their family ties and go onto the Path. i feel like i could easily renounce mine.

i just dont wanna be a nun. i love men and i do hold hope for a family of my own one day. but my Master's words ring in my ears --- that romantic love is ultimately a possessive love and truly an illusion. that it is not really Love at all. that True Love is Universal Love -- thats love with the All, while persuing the Path to Enlightenment .

i am confused about my illusions of romantic love being True. i know what the holy people all say must be true. all the wise beings reject the secular life and persue a higher path that sees thru the illusions of romantic love, and family ties.

a big part of me wants to return to Hawaii. at least i felt i was closer to Paradise than i have ever been. at least i was far from my family. i felt the love of the Aina there - the Spirits of the Land. despite the many dysfunctional wounded souls i met, i also connected with many peaceminded folks who were also seeking and achieving deep healing. Hawaii is called the Island of Healing for a reason. you cannot help but feel the power of restoration in that Return to Eden.

i shall contemplate my next move. and it shall be very soon.
]]> http://www.travelpod.com/travel-blog-entries/reneeonearth/hawaii_2007/1184776200/tpod.html http://www.travelpod.com/travel-blog-entries/reneeonearth/hawaii_2007/1184776200/tpod.html#comments Travel Blogs http://www.travelpod.com/travel-blog-entries/reneeonearth/hawaii_2007/1184776200/tpod.html Wed, 18 Jul 2007 12:37:19 -0400 My healing and inspiring journey to the paradise of Hawaii.

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Pahoa, Hawaii, United States

yep im leaving HAWAII o

k so here's a short note---

yesterday i left the HELL farm -- got less than half my money back from the owner dude's accountant - against his wishes-- shes really helped me out but dont know if i will get the rest...

3 State inspectors going to his farm today-- they also running tests on me that were gonna cost me $240 but now the state is paying for it as it is a Public Health danger--

he is mad mad mad at me - for whistle blowing to the doctor and the inspectors... been ordered off his farm (but already was gone), he cut off the cell phone he gave me -- ok by me... says hes never paying me back --

im considering legal action and called a few lawyers this morning...

am needing time alone to think and heal... hoping for R&R next couple days -- homeless, poor, and camping not too restfull-- but anyway im in a better place every moment...

Tessa is a gem! shes been my greatest light in this time of darkness... her and Jimmy are supportive and sooo kind!! theres been great americanos too! i've just distracted by the bad ones...

so i fly out on thursday... heading to ontario... visit dad, sis, extended relatives... be back in BC before you can say Day Outta Time!!

i miss ya all and MAHALO for all your kind words and vibes... i can feel all your love from far away!

see ya soon!
]]> http://www.travelpod.com/travel-blog-entries/reneeonearth/hawaii_2007/1184776260/tpod.html http://www.travelpod.com/travel-blog-entries/reneeonearth/hawaii_2007/1184776260/tpod.html#comments Travel Blogs http://www.travelpod.com/travel-blog-entries/reneeonearth/hawaii_2007/1184776260/tpod.html Wed, 18 Jul 2007 12:36:20 -0400 My healing and inspiring journey to the paradise of Hawaii.

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Kapoho, Hawaii, United States

LEAVING HAWAII JULY 5th! - POSITIVE VIBRATIONS

ALOHA!

yes ive got my ticket and im manifesting my travel destiny towards the Great White North! Toronto-bound as i intend to visit family and attend a reunion... then onto BC for Day Outta Time!

yes when i hit the purchase button for my airplane ticket online.. i felt sad! i realized i was really leaving Hawaii and i felt sooo sad! i realize i love Hawaii. i want to return - perhaps this winter... i have made sweet friendships with some special and beautiful people here. i have had many positive inspiring experiences on this adventure. i feel the negative experiences fading in my vast memory of mostly blessed and blissful times here...

Pele is helping me leave.. she is in retreat right now as she herself has pulled back her lava... YES the lava flow on Hawaii has stopped! since last sunday! it is not flowing anywhere! except its building underneath her crater... the first part of her i walked thru when i landed on her island. -- they thinkthis lava stoppage may cause another "eruption" soon... the papers says its gotta give sometime soon!! so i feel her retreat and follow suit... and i look forward to seeing what she does with all her pent up energy next! maybe it will be good that i am not here for an eruption!

so i hope i get to connect with many of you kind Hawaiian locals, travelling minstrels, powerful kahunas... before i leave next week. i intend to go Kona side to bathe in Paradise sands and kind soft beaches, snorkel with my turtle friends and swim with dolphins... another blissful blessing of connexxion before i leave this sweet Isle of Healing...

i have healed so many aspects of myself here. i have had my mind awakened and my heart opened. i have felt deeply sometimes painfully... but i am soo much more wiser than when i came. so much more faithful in Spirit to guide my path and teach me lessons. i have more Trust in the Hands of Life to hold my heart. i came here with a back pack and knew no one... just hitchhiked out of the airport and into the jungle... and i am leaving with many many JEWELS in my heart!!

i feel my journey here on Hawaii is just on "pause" while i continue my path towards home and healing with my family. then onto healing with my Elfinstone Tribe - homeland... coming home is sweeter after appreciating it from afar... I have a strong feeling that Hawaii and Pele are not finished with me but will work magik thru me and thru the Aloha i will take with me back to Canada... i feel that i will return for more lessons and fireTransformation one day soon...

aloha and MAHALO to all the wonderful wacky and inspiring folks i connected with here in Hawaii. Thank you, thank you, thank you, - MAHALO from the deepest light-feilds of my Heart!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

((if anyone wants to join us on our KONA adventures we (me and jules and water) intend to leave here this thurs or fri or definately by saturday to kona until maybe tuesday... the choice is yours for adventure... aloha will guide you!!
]]> http://www.travelpod.com/travel-blog-entries/reneeonearth/hawaii_2007/1183221180/tpod.html http://www.travelpod.com/travel-blog-entries/reneeonearth/hawaii_2007/1183221180/tpod.html#comments Travel Blogs http://www.travelpod.com/travel-blog-entries/reneeonearth/hawaii_2007/1183221180/tpod.html Wed, 18 Jul 2007 12:35:18 -0400 My healing and inspiring journey to the paradise of Hawaii.

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Kapoho, Hawaii, United States

Hawaiian Adventures - Ending

aloha to all Beings!

yes everything has a beginning and an end...

i fly out in days - thursday the 5th... i feel sad and content at the same time...

im staying at COCO's - i had been there in february... its sooo sweet to be back there! sujatha is back again since february and is the new manager while victoria is in Cali... she is kind and we had a nice connection in february and we are tight again now!

all the girls at Cocos are sweet and friendly... i am sooo glad to be there now -- its been the best place in a long time for me to stay at... probably since i came to Hawaii... no alcoholics, no craziness or theft, no meanness... just authentic kindness, spiritual mindedness, and pure intentions....

i am so blessed to have this nest to rest in before i fly to canada! it also renews my love for Hawaii and for all the nice americans i have met and loved!

i am doing a work trade in the gardens and kitchen while i stay there... i love that everyone there praises my efforts and appreciate it! i feel acknowledged and thanked for the first time in a long long time! it reminds me what its like to feel loved! its sooo much nicer than at Eden Farms and the hell i just went thru... it renews my trust in others and my hope in a loving man... tho not Hawaii anymore! i gave someone a chance that treated me soo badly i felt jaded. but now i feel open and at peace with all that has happened to me...

i feel my heart opening again... my integration of the wisdom from my lessons, mistakes, delusions... i feel wiser, kinder, more forgiving... i feel aloha coming from Pele and from the multitude of Spirits here... i feel that the Hawaiian Dieties have carried me through every high and low... helping me burn away aspects of myself i no longer wanted to carry, parts of me that were self-detrimental, burn away what no longer served me...

i had to face the fire of transformation and boy did i get burned!! and yet it transformed my mind and heart! now i am clearer than ever before in my life! i see the changes within myself that empower me to be more authentic - even to my own Self. i feel like i will not delude myself with attachments to Outcomes. I have been so forgiving and kind to those who have betrayed me. i can see deeply into their Selves and it truly brings out the Compassion in my heart for them. i forgiven all. i leave Hawaii knowing i built many gardens, planted so much food, and given my Aloha!

i have a vision to tour quickly to Kona side and experience the Paradise of those white sand beaches and snorkel with the turtles just one last time! i hope to leave monday and return wednesday the 4th of July for a Potluck and Jam for a going away celebration for me at Coco's...and its america day or something ;)

you are all welcome to come! kona side and/or to Cocos. or be there in Spirit!

Mahalo to Hawaii - for all the kindness and even the hard times - everything has been blessings of Spiritual growth! i am forever in Hawaii's debt...

Mahalo to all of you friends who've emailed/called me or even just thought about me accross the miles, with encouragement, love, and kindness. i felt honoured to be cared for by you all.

alohalove to ALL!
]]> http://www.travelpod.com/travel-blog-entries/reneeonearth/hawaii_2007/1181233560/tpod.html http://www.travelpod.com/travel-blog-entries/reneeonearth/hawaii_2007/1181233560/tpod.html#comments Travel Blogs http://www.travelpod.com/travel-blog-entries/reneeonearth/hawaii_2007/1181233560/tpod.html Wed, 18 Jul 2007 12:27:22 -0400 My healing and inspiring journey to the paradise of Hawaii.

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Kurtistown, Hawaii, United States

im considering my options for the next adventure...
maybe heading to thailand or ontario for the 28th...

been having a harder time lately... caretaking a farm and been disillusioned with my situation - been misled by the absentee owner who's betrayed me as a friend as well... put out $500 my money towards farm supplies and gotten no reimbursement yet! 2 weeks now...
feel taken advantage of, unsupported and isolated -- no power, no vechicle, 2 dysfunctional sorta-friends on the farm, no appreciation or thanks from the owner dude...

and been injured in a car accident a week ago... whiplash, concussion, and hurt back...

now Dysentry has broke out on the farm and the chickens, ducks, and dogs sick -- then 6 days ago i got it too! been sick and overwhelmed ...
no medical insurance and out of funds to see a doctor or get medicine here...

hoping that i'll get reimbursed soon so i can see a doctor and get medicine...

feeling like leaving hawaii now... many many excellent experiences but numerous more recent bad ones... feel disenchanted right now... too many dysfunctional people, and rippers stealing from me, and being just plain mean to me... i miss sweet kind canadians!!!! i miss my ELFINSTONE!!! where is my tribe?? really?

i miss the cedar trees and wear cedar oil to keep connected... i miss eagles, ravens, kind people, cool rain, moist forests, i really miss my Master Henry -- A LOT!!, i miss roberts creek and my real friends, i miss my dog zora, i miss sooo much!

but i may not head back to the Elfinstone Mountain yet...i may go to ontario and see my dad at end of month. theres a big family reunion july 1st and ive only seen my dad 3 times in past 10 years... may stay a month there and be back in BC for Day Otta Time!!??

.. my older sister is also going end of june to my dads (she lives in vancouver) for a month and bringing her 6 yr old son... my sister has found a lump in her breast and they are doing tests -- its in my family with my maternal grandma, and my aunt (passed away)... she a bit freaked but hoping its just a fybroid... i am considering my family connections and feel to also go...

tho i am also looking into heading to Thailand if my sisters tests come back ok --- my brother has lived there 3 years now and i have seen him only once in that time... and im halfway there right now! but the tickets seem expensive and so i need to research a cheap way there -- anyone have any help to give me?? after thailand id like to get to bali of course...

so my adventures continue -- a bit jaded .. a bit wiser... a bit sicker... a bit stronger in my heart, a lot more appreciative of my family and of my BC COAST!!!

aloha!
]]> http://www.travelpod.com/travel-blog-entries/reneeonearth/hawaii_2007/1179344820/tpod.html http://www.travelpod.com/travel-blog-entries/reneeonearth/hawaii_2007/1179344820/tpod.html#comments Travel Blogs http://www.travelpod.com/travel-blog-entries/reneeonearth/hawaii_2007/1179344820/tpod.html Mon, 16 Jul 2007 16:46:29 -0400 My healing and inspiring journey to the paradise of Hawaii.

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Pahoa, Hawaii, United States

heres some photos i took at Rebirth -- a gathering of the Burning Man Community on Hawaii!!

enjoy!
]]> http://www.travelpod.com/travel-blog-entries/reneeonearth/hawaii_2007/1179414660/tpod.html http://www.travelpod.com/travel-blog-entries/reneeonearth/hawaii_2007/1179414660/tpod.html#comments Travel Blogs http://www.travelpod.com/travel-blog-entries/reneeonearth/hawaii_2007/1179414660/tpod.html Mon, 16 Jul 2007 15:57:30 -0400 My healing and inspiring journey to the paradise of Hawaii.

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Pahoa, Hawaii, United States

ALCHEMY - a gathering of Fire power

i am tired and excited preparing for an event ive organized when i found out that byron dreamweaver and steven (kaminanda) were coming to Hawaii --- they are so awesome that i wanted to create an audiospace that their talents and healing gifts could be shared within to everyone here in Hawaii...

they are here now and lovin it! and we are stoked to transform our auras into gold this coming long weekend...

so if you are able, we'd be sooo delighted to meld minds and melt egos together at ALCHEMY at the Shire this sat-sun...

the Shire is a 90 acre piece of Hawaiian gold - beautiful intentions and residents create this magikal land!

this 24 hour mad lab called Alchemy will heal, inspire, and transform...

lovin all your beautiful sunny faces! see ya saturday...

aloha!!!
]]> http://www.travelpod.com/travel-blog-entries/reneeonearth/hawaii_2007/1177721400/tpod.html http://www.travelpod.com/travel-blog-entries/reneeonearth/hawaii_2007/1177721400/tpod.html#comments Travel Blogs http://www.travelpod.com/travel-blog-entries/reneeonearth/hawaii_2007/1177721400/tpod.html Thu, 03 May 2007 22:16:11 -0400 My healing and inspiring journey to the paradise of Hawaii.

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Pahoa, Hawaii, United States

ahhh so life goes on and on~~
i dont know what i want to reveal here as i sense more and more that i want to keep more and more private as to some of the real happenins of my life..

i went to Rebirth - a 3 day Burning man festival ~~ near Pahoa here near where i live nowadays~~

i had an interesting time and always love to dance and get high on psychadelicious goodies ;)

the cops came 5 times and so by sat nite they shut off the bass bins -- not what i would have done... this definately had an adverse affect on the level of enjoyment the crowd had that night...

in general i had a good time and met some new wonderful people~~

and in a very deep and personal way i was "Reborn"... chrysalisis... ways i cannot share for they are far too private for this method of interaction (electricommunication)...~~~~

my name, "Renee" is the french word for Re-born / Re-birth... (did ya know?).. im sure everyone can relate to me, as i feel it seems that my entire life has been a long series of births and deaths of my self-evolution... loss with every death loss of aspects no longer needed or wanted and also gains of integration of new aspects desired and attained~~ i am repeatedly surprised at my versatility, endurance and natural rise into Higher Mindedness...

tho i must admit that i still make many mistakes and poor decisions but i see them more quickly and clearly, and the remedies are easier to manifest...

i am seeing myself in a new way here in Hawaii as i miss my BC tribe and family... i miss the cedars and the bears... i miss the eagles and the cool rains on my face... i appreciate where i call Home here in Hawaii and in BC as it is all in Gaia's arms~... yet i am missing my Elfinstone mountain and creeks... the community i have left behind who are rich in art, expression and the Light, ... i am blessed to have you all to come back to, to appreciate more, and shine more strongly beside your lights....

i hope to be able to share some of my more private inner struggles here in Hawaii - maybe in poetiks instead ~~ next time~~

although there is a saying that is VERY true .... "In Hawaii, even when its bad, its still really good!" -- and it is! i do really love love love Pele and the magic of the fire of Transformation here! (but ouch* you can get burned when you play with fire!)
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