TravelStream™ news feed for member merkdog4 on TravelPod's free travel blogs service http://www.travelpod.com/syndication/rss/merkdog4 en-us Copyright ©2009 TravelPod.com Tue, 03 Feb 2009 12:12:51 -0500 http://www.travelpod.com http://www.travelpod.com/travel-blog-entries/merkdog4/chillin_in_sa/1198330920/tpod.html http://www.travelpod.com/travel-blog-entries/merkdog4/chillin_in_sa/1198330920/tpod.html#comments Travel Blogs http://www.travelpod.com/travel-blog-entries/merkdog4/chillin_in_sa/1198330920/tpod.html Tue, 03 Feb 2009 12:12:51 -0500 South America - my nutty tale of acting like an idiot, only in a different language.

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Rio de Janeiro, Brazil

Maladic:  whoa, you know portuguese?  How do you know this, did you travel to Brazil before?  Yes, very impressive.  Koz:  Thanks for the scientific update.  And no, I don`t keep up to date on any new progresses made in the area of physics or cosmology, so ya, if something interesting pops up, let me know.  The source for antimatter huh, I have a feelilng eventually every unexplained circumstance in terms of cosmology will end up being explained by blackholes.  So, where did time originate from?  Oh I don`t know, ya I don`t know either, well, lets just say it originated from a blackhole..........Brilliant.  Seiously, very interesting though.  Thanks.  Funny, I feel as though I kind of met the antiparticle of Sean Jensen on this trip.  Ok, I have to comment on the game between the Pats and the Chargers tomorrow.  If I was coaching the Chargers I would run triple I and wishbone formations out of the backfield like in college.  I mean, Turner (not the coach, the rb) and Tomlinson are the Chargers two biggest weapons, may as well use them with Lorenzo Neal lead blocking.  The chargers need to slow this game down to a snails pace which means they need to run run and run some more.  It`s like in a football game on Playstation or whatever, if you are a crap team against a good one, the only way for you to win is by taking as much time off the clock on every single play.  It`s weak, but you have to snap the ball with 1 second left because you have to shorten the game as much as possible, it`s the only chance you have.  I`m not saying the chargers are a crap team, but they need to do something different and they need to eat up the clock.  Why not run wishbone, triple I and even double back sets (without Neal)?  It would totally screw up the Patriots, they won`t be prepared for it.  I mean, nothing else has worked this year, nobody has beaten them, you have to try something different.  Out of this formation, fake handoffs and play action could be huge esp to get tomlinson open in the flat.  And every now and then you can try to hit gates on a seam route or Jackson on a deep post or fly as the linebackers and safeties creep up.  I think it is a million dollar idea and I should coach the chargers next year.  You could even run some crazy gadget plays out of this formation.  I would give it a shot, that`s all I am saying. I go to Ipanema today (btw:  Mel went to her parent`s house for xmas and stuff, I am supposed to come back to Rio for New Years to kick it with her, but we`ll see, Rio is sort of out of the way) to see what`s going on with my favorite beach.  I decide to try to play some beach volleyball as I feel pretty good today.  I find a group of guys playing who are maybe a little below my skill level but whatever, I need a victory and plus I probably suck right now as I haven`t been playing and I`m probably out of shape.  And yes, I finally win.  Two straight games and then it starts to rain a bit.  The guys are super cool and tell me to come back tomorrow as they will be setting up at 1:00.  Man, I wish I could but I jet to Belo tomorrow.  Meet another new roomie at the hostel and this guy is nuts.  He has more energy than the energizer bunny and he talks more than Fraser does, by far.  For every 100 words he spits out I maybe say 5.  Seriously.  He`s an interesting dude, but a bit annoying.  He loves all my American slang, which I don`t even realize is slang anymore ie. I`m going to knock that out real quick etc.  He`s Brazilian but he lives in France if I remember right.  He`s super intelligent and has a bigger vocabulary than most Americans.  But, he`s also a bit strange.  Of all his eccentricities this is the biggest, he wants a pair of my boxers.  Seriously.  He wants to make a trade in order to "keep the good vibe between us flowing for eternity".  He thinks if we exchange gifts or whatever the bond between us will forever be sealed.  This is how he talks and thinks, seriously.  So he gives me some Brazilian tea and tells me that it will cause an explosion of flavor among my taste buds.  Yeah, great.  I don`t even like tea and my taste buds work about as good as those balsa wood airplanes that had a rubber band tied to a propeller that you would wind up and then let fly (like 8 feet) that you had as a kid (you know what I`m talking about? I would get one every year for Easter, and at the time I loved them but now I realize better).  So he tells me I have to give him something.  Seriously dude, I`m not traveling for like 3 weeks, I have no superfluous items, everything I have I really need.  He tells me to give him a pair of my underwear.  What, are you kidding?  Nah, apparently he has a collection of other dude`s underwear from people he has met in his travels.  This is the oddest thing I have ever heard of, even more odd than that time Hempen thought he was having a heart attack, checked himself into the hospital and then none of us even bothered to go see if he was Ok because we all knew he was (like that time George thought he was going into cardiac arrest and Jerry just made fun of him).  Why does he want other people`s underwear, is he like an underwear salesman, or does he perform vodoo rituals with them or what.  It is so strange.  I tell him I don`t really have any extra draws to just be giving away.  Plus, tea for a pair of draws, what a rip.  This tea probably cost like 80 cents while my boxers cost like $10USD.  Anyways, I don`t give him a pair and I leave in the morning while he is still sleeping, thank god.  I went out for a bit but I couldn`t drink.  I love Rio but I am ready to move on.  When I get to Belo the next day I find I am missing a pair of boxers.  That mother fucker stole my draws.BTW:  I am totally not going to miss people throwing their soiled toilet paper in the trash can.  No matter how accustomed I get to Brazil I will never get used to that.  It`s not really Brazil, but I think more the hostels in Brazil where you aren`t supposed to throw paper in the toilet.  As much as it has become customary for me to accept less than clean surroundings I really look forward to not dealing with this particular aspect of traveling in Brazil in any longer. This reminds me of that hotel in Cancun, what was it called the Mex Hotel I think (Ewee, Cletus etc, let me know if I am wrong) and you had to throw toilet paper in the trash there because the pipes blew.  Then the hotel ran out of water but we needed to shower because it was getting close to going out time and like 5 of us went down into the pool and took a bath and the water was freezing and we had to pass soap and shampoo to one another under the water because the security guard kept looking at us.  Hah, so funny.  Fin
]]> http://www.travelpod.com/travel-blog-entries/merkdog4/chillin_in_sa/1192805280/tpod.html http://www.travelpod.com/travel-blog-entries/merkdog4/chillin_in_sa/1192805280/tpod.html#comments Travel Blogs http://www.travelpod.com/travel-blog-entries/merkdog4/chillin_in_sa/1192805280/tpod.html Tue, 03 Feb 2009 12:10:01 -0500 South America - my nutty tale of acting like an idiot, only in a different language.

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Tuscaloosa, Alabama, United States

Think of this entry as a preface to my travel journal.  After careful consideration (2 minutes or so) I decided that this travel journal is more for me than anyone else.  Therefore, I will write exactly what happened, what I thought, what I did, what I wanted to do and what I said.  I will not dilute this journal by writing what I think people would like to read about or by not including the not so finer moments of life as Sean Jensen.  For those of you who know me, I have sick thoughts, think and often say rude comments and sometimes do things no parent would be proud of.  That being said, this journal will not be dumbed down just because I wouldn't want my parents, relatives etc to read it.  It will be a true account of my life for the next six months, with random thoughts and feelings and will be far from PC.  I have tried to live my life without caring what people have thought about me, so why start now.  One of my favorite quotes is "What other people think of you is none of your business" ~ anonymous.  Please do not read this if you don't want your opinion of me to change.  If you already have a realistic opinion of me already , then please, continue on.  See ya on the other side.   Sean
]]> http://www.travelpod.com/travel-blog-entries/merkdog4/chillin_in_sa/1218564240/tpod.html http://www.travelpod.com/travel-blog-entries/merkdog4/chillin_in_sa/1218564240/tpod.html#comments Travel Blogs http://www.travelpod.com/travel-blog-entries/merkdog4/chillin_in_sa/1218564240/tpod.html Tue, 12 Aug 2008 14:25:32 -0400 South America - my nutty tale of acting like an idiot, only in a different language.

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Pucon, Chile

I have made the difficult decision to stop updating this travel blog at least for the time being.  I have decided my time and energy would be best focused on trying to write a book and hopefully finding a publisher.  I can't believe how much time it takes to transfer each entry into Word and to correct all the grammatical and spelling errors in addition to making the entries more readable, flowing and much better written.  And I feel like everytime I update a new entry in this blog that I should be updating an old entry in order to accomplish my ultimate goal of getting a book deal.  That being said, I thank each and everyone of you who has spent any of your valuable time reading this blog.  You are what kept this blog going as many times I almost shut it down but then I would get a word of encouragement from someone telling me how funny an entry was or how one of my ramblings about life really touched them and made them think.  Even though I was alone in SA I feel like I wasn't because of all my friends and family and radom people who read this blog because they were interested in my life down there.  I truly thank anyone who spent even a minute reading this and especially those who read almost if not all of the very long and sometimes mundane entries.  My time in SA was definitely rewarding and the best 7 months of my life but there were times when I was a bit depressed and lonely but all I had to do was update this blog and see your comments and see how many people logged in to read it and the new entry would always make me laugh and like I said I always felt like you guys were right along there with me.  I will one day finish this blog if for no other reason then to have a full account of my time in SA which will hopefully live on through generations of my family and possibly in infamy.  I would like to print the entire blog and attach pictures to the various entries and make I suppose what one would call a scrapbook someday.  But like I said for now I am going to put all my impetus into updating the Brazilian part of the trip and trying to find a publisher for it.  It's a long shot but I think I need to give it a go and see what happens.  Sorry you guys will miss out on my adventures through Bolivia and Peru which features me holding lit dynamite, riding a bike down the most dangerous road in the world, spending the night on an island in Lake Titicaca with a local family and one very large titty, visiting Machu Picchu and trekking down the deepest canyon in the world to name just a few.  Once again, thank all of you for sharing in my life for the last several months.  I hope you were at least mildly entertained.  If I do end up getting a book deal I will let everyone who I have email addresses for know.  When I start updating this blog again I will send a message to everyone who gets the updates which I think is about 25 people.  If you would like to know when I resume this blog please send me an email to tartabull4@gmail.com and I will include you on the automatic update list.Thank you, Shawn
]]> http://www.travelpod.com/travel-blog-entries/merkdog4/chillin_in_sa/1205415480/tpod.html http://www.travelpod.com/travel-blog-entries/merkdog4/chillin_in_sa/1205415480/tpod.html#comments Travel Blogs http://www.travelpod.com/travel-blog-entries/merkdog4/chillin_in_sa/1205415480/tpod.html Wed, 30 Jul 2008 10:33:28 -0400 South America - my nutty tale of acting like an idiot, only in a different language.

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Pucon, Lake District, Chile

March 12, 2008I wake up with a bad feeling encapusalting my body and I can't decide if it's the result of the table taps or the rum n cokes or the shitty but yet awesome who-knows-what-was-in-da-meat late night food or possibly the severely off key singing (probably a mix of all three).  Maybe it's because I decide to leave Valdivia today to hop on a bus headed for Pucon.  Andy and Gill are going to stay in Valdivia a bit longer but Pucon is their next destination and I will probably meet up with them there.  When I arrive to Pucon I feel awful and I am dead tired and I sort of look like Gary Busey after a 48 hour bender.  I haphazardly make my way to this hostel I had in mind and I eventually locate it after getting lost initially.  After making your bed the next thing you should always do is go to the supermarket if the hostel has a refrigerator (most do).  Even though I can't think straight I waddle my way into the grocery store to pick up some food for the next few days including some much needed milk and Frosted Flakes.  Word, I can't wait to eat cereal.  I walk by the deli section of the supermarket and I see that they have broasted chicken for sale and there is a sign that says $1,690 pesos for 1/2 pollo and $3,390 pesos for full pollo.  What the sucking hell?  How does this happen all the time down here?  The mathematical computational acumen of South Americans must be on par with the driving abilities of old ladies or the swimming abilities of the Tin Man (now I have no idea if he can swim or not but since a few drops of rain made him rust I feel safe to infer that his chances for being able to swim in a body of water is less than good. Speaking of which, why doesn't he just travel in time to the 1980's and get Ziebart rust proof protection which was offered by ever car dealer the country over, I don't know).  I still can't get over the fact that it is actually cheaper to buy two 1/2 pollos than to buy one full pollo.  This place is crazy.  Since it seems like it's more expensive to buy in bulk down here I have serious reservations concerning the success of a place like Costco in SA.  But maybe the residents of SA are so stupid they will pay more per roll for lets say a carton of paper towels than they would if they simply bought a 6 pack.  Costco could actually clean up down here.  I just confused myself.  Anyways, after trying to wrap my brain around why a full chicken costs more than two half chickens (I really wish my Spanish was better so I could ask someone at the supermarket about this strange and bewildering circumstance) I lay down in my bed at the hostel at 6pm for a quick nap and I don't wake up until 7:30am in the morning.  For any South Americans reading this that's 13.5 hours.  Wow, that's a nap.  Calling 13.5 hours of sleep a nap is like calling the Vietnam War a skirmish or like calling Carnie Wilson big bonedMarch 13, 2008I go to the beach in Pucon which is just a lake beach and the sand is black and more like pebbles than sand due to the volcano activity in this area.  It's pretty cool to look at but not all that cool to walk on.  The water is freezing and I hate cold water but after doing some underwater punching to warm up and after my body becomes acclimated to the temperature of the water it's actually really refreshing.  I must say there aren't too many chicks on this beach and the ones that are look like Manatees who beached themselves.  A couple younger nasty American chicks who look like they take the Metra in from the suburbs every weekday are laying on the beach in fucking bikinis no less and I wonder how they ever get themselves up from a supine position.  Maybe they just roll over on their stomachs and then have someone come over and dribble them like a basketball bouncing them up and down on their belly's until they get high enough off the ground to the point where they can just put their feet down.  How can someone who is 22 years old look like they just ate someone who was 12.  How would you ever have sex with a chick that fat.  I mean if she rode you she would crush you and if you tried military style you would just rest on top of her belly and the distance created would be too great to reach her snatch.  Anyways, they aren't that fat it's just that I was hoping to find some decent looking chicks here and I'm a tad bitter.  I meet up with Andy later on (they just arrived today) and we go book a guide to take us up the active volcano which looms meancingly over the Pucon.  Pucon actually has a three level warning system based on colors to warn residents concerning any impending eruptions.  Andy and I meet up later to gather the gear we need for tomorrow which consists of boots, helmet, jacket, pants, gloves, butt pad, gators, crampons and an ice axe.  That's right we get a fucking ice axe and it rules and I want to swing it and stick it in something but I'm not sure what.  I guess I have to wait until tomorrow.  I get dinner and crash around 11pm since I have to be up at 3:15am since our jourey up the volcano starts at 4am.  That's a bit early to do anything let alone climb an active volcano if you ask me.fin
]]> http://www.travelpod.com/travel-blog-entries/merkdog4/chillin_in_sa/1205260740/tpod.html http://www.travelpod.com/travel-blog-entries/merkdog4/chillin_in_sa/1205260740/tpod.html#comments Travel Blogs http://www.travelpod.com/travel-blog-entries/merkdog4/chillin_in_sa/1205260740/tpod.html Tue, 29 Jul 2008 15:24:17 -0400 South America - my nutty tale of acting like an idiot, only in a different language.

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Valdivia, Chile

I wake up after a great night of sleep and go downstairs to a diningroom table featuring some awesome looking breakfast type foods.  I start to dig in but the old geiser tells me that I have to pay extra for breakfast and that I can't have any.  Fuck.  Breakfast here is like a good looking hooker who you don't know is a hooker until you are just about to munch on her.  When I take off the old bag is sitting about 6 inches from the TV and I'm like "Yo ho don't you know sitting to close to the TV will hurt your eyes".  Good thing she doesn't understand English.  Valdivia has a large college across the bridge and since I love college campuses and I haven't seen one yet in SA I decide to walk over there to check it out.  The campus is very nice with huge quads but instead of being wide open like US campuses the quads have a ton of trees.  This particular campus doesn't feature any large buildings and instead it has what look like stationary trailer homes and I gather that this is where the various classes are held.  It's cool seeing all the kids walking around and it's a bit nostalgic and I think back upon my days at college which I am assuming weren't a whole lot different then the days here.  It's great seeing kids that age as they are idealistic and liberal and it's interesting to think how college is such a crux in one's life and how after college you have no idea what lies ahead.  The various routes one is able to choose to reach the end of one's life is infinite.  College is such an interesting microcosm and unlike any other institution in the world.  I don't really want to talk to anyone because I don't want to be that 32 year old foreign stalker so I just wander around and I end up sitting on a bench in one of the quads and translate a news story from the paper I carry around.  I try to translate one article each day which really helps me increase my spanish vocabulary.  Later on Andy and I hit up the Kuntsman Brewery (Kuntsman, prety funny if you replace the K a C).  Gill decided to stay in and she probably made a wise decision as we end up knocking out two table taps and somehow get wasted.  We leave there and check out some bar in downtown Valdivia and it just so happens to be a karaoke bar and within 10 seconds we realize we are the only gringos in the entire joint which is pretty cool.  Reminds me of some of my evenings in Brazil.  The place is packed and Chileans are knocking out cut after cut and Andy and I just chill at the bar drinking Havana Rum n Cokes.  At some point in our drunken haze we decide it would be a good idea to sing a song as well and we choose "Wish You Were Here" by Pink Floyd.  Not a bad choice since most of the people in the bar knew the song (every other song was usually an English song, so once again people know the lyrics to songs although they don't know what the lyrics mean or how to speak English).  The thing is we sound absolutely awful.  I sing about as good as Mel Brooks probably does but with like a mouth full of Big League Chew and I was banking on Andy to carry us through but to my chagrin he sounds about as bad as I do.  The good thing is we are wasted and don't give a fuck and the other good thing is the person working at the bar in charge of karaoke sings with us once he realizes we sound like two retarded heyenas in heat.  Andy wants to bust out Comfortably Numb afterwards and to my surprise the dude singing with us is cool with it (probably because all the patrons would be treated to another comedic performance and more reason to make fun of the two severly off key and wasted gringos).  I stay out of this one and let those two belt out the song.  We finally decide we can't drink anymore so we walk the 2km back to the hostel (although it was probably 2.5km because no way were we walking in a straight line) and once we get there we figure out that we are hungry.  Hah, retarded, why didn't we think of this while we were still in the city center.  We walk all the way back and find a cab to take us to a burrito joint (it wasn't a burrito joint but if you live in Chicago you know what I mean as burrito joint is just general terminology for any shithole place that stays open all night to cater to drunk fucks).  I get a couple cheeseburgers and some fries and it's probaly the best meal I have ever had.  Upon returning to the hostel we come to find out that the door is locked and we definitely do not want to wake up the old piece of shit so I have to climb a fence next to the house and break in.  Nothing like breaking into your own hostel at 4am.  The bad thing is the old hag hears us and gets out of bed and she is not a pretty sight especially since she is not happy (she sort of looks like Madusa if Madusa was a meth addict but with a lot less super powers).  We go into Andy and Gill's room and wake her up as well and just start laughing our asses off because the old lady is so pissed and because we are tore up and everything for some reason is hilaious.  It was a fun night but I have a feeling I may be paying for it in the morning.fin
]]> http://www.travelpod.com/travel-blog-entries/merkdog4/chillin_in_sa/1205162760/tpod.html http://www.travelpod.com/travel-blog-entries/merkdog4/chillin_in_sa/1205162760/tpod.html#comments Travel Blogs http://www.travelpod.com/travel-blog-entries/merkdog4/chillin_in_sa/1205162760/tpod.html Tue, 22 Jul 2008 12:07:45 -0400 South America - my nutty tale of acting like an idiot, only in a different language.

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Valdivia, Lake District, Chile

Once the boat docks (whoa, have to be a bit careful typing that word) we all head to the bus station as Porto Montt looks like a shithole and we decide it's in our best interest to get the fuck outta town sooner rather than later.  Almost everyone is splitting up but I decide to tag along with Andy and Gill and hit up Valdivia which I don't know much about except that according to Lonely Planet "It may be Chile's nicest city", ok, we'll see.  At least it's north which is the correct direction I need to head.  We say bye to everyone and we are off to our next destination.  Halfway to Valdivia the bus makes a quick stop and I see a pop machine which probably means it contains cans of pop which probably means I should nab one since I'm thirsty.  To my chagrin (for some reason I really wanted a pop which is odd, btw: my parents used to call pop "sody", not even soda, but sody, coke and pepsi was referred to as dark sody and 7up and sprite was referred to as white sody, I can't make this stuff up, can you imagine how awful my childhood must have been) the machine has a piece of paper taped to it with the words "La Machina esta mal estado".  I find this utter hilarious as the direct translation is "The Machine is in bad condition".  I think signs crack me up more than anything in SA. We locate a hostel which is basically someone's house which features a really really old grumpy lady but the positive is that I get my own room with a queen size bed.  I can't remember how long it's been since I slept in a queen size bed.  Hell, I only had a full at home (btw: my bed for the last 10 years has been on the floor in the corner of my bedroom, no box spring or anything, just a mattress, yes I am ghetto fab).  This is going to be sweet especially since I am dead tired from the 4 day drunkfest that was the Navimag ship.  It's funny the things you cherish when you have been traveling for as long as I have.  I walk around the city and Valdivia is in fact a really cool city which lots of charm.  It has a big town square where people flock to socialize, lots of restaurants, and a river where sea lions come up and beg for handouts (like homeless people and sometimes it's hard to differentiate between the two) and the best part of Valdivia is the fact that there are more highschool and college kids here than theories regarding the significance of the symbols on the Led Zeppelin IV album and all the girls are walking around wearing plaid skirts with knee high stockings.  Yes it is safe to say I like this place.  I jack around town for awhile and then meet up with Andy and Gill later for dinner.  We hit up some seafood restaurant which was really good and we knock out a couple of beers there and a couple more at a bar and then I go straight to bed (beer, beer, beer, bed, bed, bed - Homer (Simpson, not the guy who wrote the Iliad, although he probably would have not been opposed to such a statement as most ancient Greeks did like their alcohol as well as their beds especially when young boys were already in it, homo's (funny how homo is linguistically related to Homer)).  Anyways, laying down that night was one of the better experiences of my life.  I think I could stay in this bed for the next 24 hours and be perfectly content.Fin
]]> http://www.travelpod.com/travel-blog-entries/merkdog4/chillin_in_sa/1205103180/tpod.html http://www.travelpod.com/travel-blog-entries/merkdog4/chillin_in_sa/1205103180/tpod.html#comments Travel Blogs http://www.travelpod.com/travel-blog-entries/merkdog4/chillin_in_sa/1205103180/tpod.html Mon, 21 Jul 2008 20:01:21 -0400 South America - my nutty tale of acting like an idiot, only in a different language.

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Puerto Natales, Chile

Today is a sweet ass day and everyone hangs out on the deck and chills.  The scenery is great today as it is for once completely visible due to the lack of cloud cover and I'm pretty content to just sit there and watch the mountains and snow capped volcanos as we cruise past them.  At one point some dolphins jump along the side of the ship which is always cool no matter how many times you have seen it sort of like a nice pair of cannons.  We have another English couple hanging out with us today and I'm not really sure where they came from but at least they aren't turdmonkeys like Stephan.  I come to the conclusion that hanging out with married couples is actually better than hanging out with boyfriend/girlfriend couples.  The latter are always within arm reach of each other and always making out and whispering sweet nothings into each other's ears and being fucking gay and after it awhile it starts to drag me down and it makes me thank myself all over again for not being in a serious relationship.  But married couples actually like to spend time apart and hang out with everyone separate from their significant other.  I suppose boyfriend/girlfriend couples are naturally more insecure about their relationship.  Like Andy says "once you are married it's a much bigger hassle to break up".  We start drinking pisco sours in buttloads since the bar is having a special on them ($1,000 chilean pesos, $2.25usd).  Pisco sours are the national drink of not only  Chile but Peru oddly enough as well (two countries claiming fame to the same drink is like two assholes claiming fame to the same piece of shit or two doorways claiming fame to the same entrance, it just doesn't make sense).After knocking out a few beers after the pisco fiasco I go in to take a shower and when I go to my bunk area to change the sun is beating on me through the little round ubiquitous window that all ships seem to have and I'm like "fucking sun" and I pull the curtain pretty hard from one side and it goes sliding all the way across the rod to the other side and now the curtain is in the same positon as before just on the other side of the window and still not blocking out (like the Chicago Bulls) any of the hated sun (Ever since the beginning of time man has yearned to destroy the sun, I'm going to do the next best thing, block it out - C. Montgomery Burns) and I unconciously bust out a Napolean Dynamite sigh (uuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh) say "Gosh" and systematically and strategically pull the curtain in such a way that it actually covers the window and keeps the stupid sun out.  That whole scene would make a great Napolean or Austin Powers scene, or so I believe.  I go back outside and witness a most spectacular sunset and it makes me not hate the sun so much anymore (but I still hate curtains).  I'm hanging out with Julie and Andy and Julie tells us she is going and since she is awesome as all get out Andy and I do the most retarded dance you have ever seen to satisfy her conditions for her to hang out longer.  My dance sort of looked like the Carlton dance (Fresh Prince of Bel Air) done by a drunk baboon with a severe case of dysentery.  Stephan comes strolling by at some point while I'm leaving myself a voice memo on my phone an he finds it hysterical that I leave myself voice memos which I suppose is a bit odd but how else am I supposed to remember half of the shit that happens in the course of a day.  If it wasn't for voice memos this blog would have been like 5 pages long as opposed to probably 100's.  Once the sun goes down the crew throws a party which is kicked off by the Music Stylings of Chris, who is a 50 year old Chilean dude and one of the crew members on the ship and he knocks out cuts like Imagine, Another Brick in the Wall and My Way on his Casio keyboard.  He totally rocks the shit out of the place, not really, but it was pretty funny considering he is singing these songs with a strong Chilean accent.  Earlier Sarah saw me writing in my journal and she read a couple of the entries with my permission and apparently the raw content of my journal is quite the crowd pleaser.  Due to this earlier event everyone wants me to get my journal and read a couple more entries which I do since I like being the center of attention and I start off with the Picasso girl from Brazil which I knew would be a huge hit.  Later on we all start dancing like the offbeat white people that we are but we are so wasted by this point we probably think we are America's Best Dance Crew.  At some point I stick my face in Sarah's crotch which is always a good way to entice laughter and/or get punched.  Thankfully Sarah laughed (I think).  I go out on the deck and lay down to look at the millions of stars and I don't think looking at stars with no light pollution whatsoever could every get old (sort of like looking at dolphins or nice jacks which I alluded to earlier and by alluded I mean explicitly stated).  They kick everyone out at 2am so we go down to the dining room and I end up standing on the table while performing a Vince Vaughn like dance from Swingers when he's at the restaurant and wasted.  I'm starving at this point and I decide to make a bee line for my 4 day old ham which I stashed in the wooden box out on the deck which had the sun beating on it all day.  Needless to say it was awful but I still ate the entire package.fin
]]> http://www.travelpod.com/travel-blog-entries/merkdog4/chillin_in_sa/1205019660/tpod.html http://www.travelpod.com/travel-blog-entries/merkdog4/chillin_in_sa/1205019660/tpod.html#comments Travel Blogs http://www.travelpod.com/travel-blog-entries/merkdog4/chillin_in_sa/1205019660/tpod.html Mon, 14 Jul 2008 20:14:50 -0400 South America - my nutty tale of acting like an idiot, only in a different language.

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Puerto Natales, Chile

I hang out with all the peeps again today but it's nice outside and it's cool being able to sit out on the deck soaking up the scenery.  We get to see a huge glacier and some icebergs today which look cold and jagged just like some of my ex-girlfriends.  I hit up the bathroom to take a shower and as I am shaving in the sink I see a guy go from the stall straight into the shower with all his clothes on.  What the hell is going on?  Like, he didn't even have a towel or soap or anything.  Like did he just shit himself?  This is quite perplexing and I really want to understand but it will forever be a mystery like why DVD cases are so big and not the same size as CD cases (maybe so you don't get the two confused in case your music and movie collection are jumbled together, who knows).  The showers are a bit retarded as you have to push this handle in and then water will come out of the shower head but only for like 10 seconds and then you have to push the handle again and then 10 seconds later you have to push the handle etc, it's a bit repetitive and dumb, sort of like dating or your job.  We attend a lecture in the cafeteria on glaciers and although you could tell the so called expert knew about as much about glaciers as I know about Feng Shui or how Brendan Fraser can still get lead roles it doesn't mean that you should ask questions that you already know the answers to which this one jag totally does.  I fucking hate people that ask questions when they already know the answer and when you answer the question to the best of your ability they tell you that you are wrong and then proceed to explain in painstaking detail the correct answer.  If you already knew then why ask jackfuck.  People like this just want everyone to think that they are smart.  Seriously, get a better reason to exist.  People like this should be thrown overboard after having their legs and arms cut off.  In the middle of the guy's question and answer routine with himself I get up to leave.  What a stroke.  Since the beginning of this boat trip we have been sailing through fjords and in between islands which allow for smoother waters and therefore smoother sailing.  But not we are heading out to the open ocean and one of the deckhands comes on the PA system and tells everyone to take their seasickness pills now.  Sarah and I are like we don't need no stupid seasickness pills and we decide just to tough it out.  We think we are complete badasses for about 20 minutes until we can't stand it anymore and tell Gill "Please, Please give us some seasickness pills, NOW".  Holy crap, I can't believe how much this boat is rolling and how my stomach feels like is in my throat and how my head feels like I just watched a Real World marathon.  The waves are enormous and as I am sitting out on the deck I see the line of the boat tilt at about a 35 degree angle relative to the ocean.  We decide to play another game of holdem in the bar area and as we are sitting there a huge wave rolls past and shit everywhere falls including drinks which was a bit tough to bear.  A rack full of maps falls on this lady's head which was pretty funny and I start laughing but then I almost fall off my chair as another wave hits and then I laugh even harder since I only almost fell off.  I finally win the poker game but it took awhile since cards, drinks and chairs were sliding to and fro. It's crazy trying to walk as you will be walking downhill for a few seconds and then suddenly you are walking uphill and you have to keep shifting your weight as not to fall off balance.  It's hilarious watching people walk while simultaneously crashing into stuff and it's actually sort of fun like being in a Wacky House at a carnival.  But the fun only lasts for so long and then it becomes a bit annoying because the rolling never stops and there is nothing you can do to avoid it.Only about half of the people go to dinner tonight as most of the passengers are probably laying in bed already.  It was quite the task to carry your tray full of food back to your table and a lot of the passengers had to have the crew members carry their tray for them.  Poor Karen couldn't stomach it and got sick earlier and is laying in bed and I admit I don't see myself staying up too late tonight as the sooner I lie down the better I will feel.  As we are eating dinner a topic of conversation starts up concerning TV shows and Andy who is English asks me if I have ever seen Dr. Who and since I didn't quite hear what he said I reply with "Doctor Who?".  Everyone laughs their asses off since it was so retardedly funny.  I finally go to bed at 9pm which is insanely early but lying down really helps and my head finally starts to feel somewhat normal.  I get up at like 1am to take a wiz and as I am walking down the hall I totally lose my balance as a big wave comes crashing in and I basically slam into the side of these two people's bunk bed and totally wake them up.  My bad.  fin
]]> http://www.travelpod.com/travel-blog-entries/merkdog4/chillin_in_sa/1204900020/tpod.html http://www.travelpod.com/travel-blog-entries/merkdog4/chillin_in_sa/1204900020/tpod.html#comments Travel Blogs http://www.travelpod.com/travel-blog-entries/merkdog4/chillin_in_sa/1204900020/tpod.html Tue, 08 Jul 2008 13:32:31 -0400 South America - my nutty tale of acting like an idiot, only in a different language.

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Puerto Natales, Chile

I wake up at 6:45 in order to catch the sunrise and the early awakening was well worth the price as the sky looks like it's on fire this morning.  I couldn't ask for a more beautiful start to my day.  And then I have an even better start to my day once breakfast is served.  Breakfast, which consisted of eggs, ham, fruit, yogurt and cereal was definitely the best meal I have had since I left the States.  I not only got seconds but thirds and popped like 4 boners while eating it was so good.  It's raining today which sucks as the weather here as in all of Patagonia is highly unpredictable and variable (like a chick on the rag).  We sit inside most of the day waiting for the weather to clear up but it never really does sort of like some people's faces.  We actually have a kick ass time just chilling inside cracking jokes and stuff.  I nickname Julie (the Canadian girl) Stumps because she's built like a hockey player but with short appendages.  Her dad actually checked her aginst the boards once while they were playing in order to teach her a lesson because she was skating with her head down.  That's a tough dad.  She grew up with a wood stove in her house which I found amazing.  No central heat, just a wood stove that actually burned logs.  I thought taking the garbage out was a bad chore when I was a kid, I couldn't even imagine having to chop flippin wood every day.  I try to take a nap after lunch but the 2 Irish girls are in their bunks also and they start playing a game that I couldn't resist to join.  Sarah asks Karen if she would rather be smelly all the time or have 6x more hair on her body.  The thing that kills me is that there ends up being all sorts of subclauses (ie, can I shave?).  This game totally reminds me of conversations that are probably taking place in dorm rooms all across college campuses.  The girls are college age so it makes sense.  I nickname the game "I'd rather" and it's pretty addicting.  Karen asks Sarah if she would rather have a pussy where her belly button is or to have no arms (subclause, you would just have skin where your normal puss would be.  apparently having two pussies would be beneficial to Sarah).  I tell them that I would rather be dating a chick with a puss instead of a belly button because then you could totally do her on a club dance floor and nobody would ever know.  Easy access has its privileges.  But then I decide a chick with no arms would be pretty sweet too since she could never hit me after I pissed her off.  Then Sarah asks if I would rather have a chick with an asshole where her mouth is or a chick with two heads.  Hmmm, tough call, but ultimately I decide on the chick who has an asshole where her mouth is because it would be the only time I could have anal sex and get my dick sucked simultaneously.  But the downside is her breath would probably smell pretty bad.  These are tough questions.  Anyways, this is what my late afternoon consisted of for the most part.  Irish girls, lord!!!We play hold'em later and of course I win.  Stephan gives me a bunch of crap for folding so much which kills me because the easiest way to tell if someone sucks at poker is if they play too many hands.  The better you get, the more hands you ultimately fold pre-flop.  Another good indicator is if someone limps in a lot which almost everyone does.  As long as my cards don't completely suck and I don't suffer a costly bad beat I should win.  I clock $2usd which is composed entirely of 10 peso Chilean coins (each one worth just over 2 cents US), awesome.  We play drinking games and we all get pretty wrecked.  We play some stupid game where all you have to do is ask someone a question and once you are aked a question you don't have to answer but simply ask someone else a question but for some reason people keep screwing up.  It is tougher than you would think actually but not much.  Most of the questions are basic like "do you like beer", "how old are you" and then I bust out to Andy "Why do you have an afro", which is hilarious because he totally does.  There are only 2 hot chicks on this entire sucking boat and they both have boyfriends.  I'm beginning to see a pattern forming here.  Almost all good looking chicks who backpack come with a boyfriend.  The ones that come alone are usually struggling but since most backpackers are 18-22 year old dudes who are wasted all the time they probably clean up here much more than they could at home.  I still can't believe that American girl up in Mount Tronador was a lesbo.  Julie tells me she has never been with a guy in her 19 year old existence and never in my 32 year old existence have I ever wished to be a girl except for that night on the mountain.  Fin
]]> http://www.travelpod.com/travel-blog-entries/merkdog4/chillin_in_sa/1204829100/tpod.html http://www.travelpod.com/travel-blog-entries/merkdog4/chillin_in_sa/1204829100/tpod.html#comments Travel Blogs http://www.travelpod.com/travel-blog-entries/merkdog4/chillin_in_sa/1204829100/tpod.html Mon, 07 Jul 2008 14:42:51 -0400 South America - my nutty tale of acting like an idiot, only in a different language.

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Puerto Natales, Patagonia, Chile

I buy my return ticket home today, heavy.  You have no idea how difficult it is to push that final purchase button when you know it will effectively end the best time of your life in order to return to reality.  I will be leaving from Lima Peru on May 12 which will put this trip right at 7 months which I suppose is long enough.  The real reason I am coming back though is so I can be in Chicago for the summer aa there is no place in the world like Chicago in the summer.  I can't believe I only have 2 months left here though and I'm sure it will be weird to return to the states.  When I bought my ticket online I actually had my finger on the mouse button for about 20 seconds on the "complete purchase" box as I was so nervous and had so many thoughts rushing through my head that I really couldn't decide if I should buy it or not.  Finally, I just fuck it and clicked the button.  Crazy.  My boat doesn't leave until 9pm which allows me plenty of time to buy whatever provisions I need for this trip.  I buy some food and liquor (you can bring your own liquor on the boat even though they have a bar - how sweet is that) and I have to buy an adapter for Chilian outlets and fucking lip balm.  How do I lose lip balm all the sucking time?  I lose lip balm as often as the Royals lose baseball games.  I go get dinner before going to the boat since we won't be getting dinner tonight and I need to stuff my face as much as possible.  When I leave the place I have to turn back around in order to close the door and because of my large backpack I sort of get stuck in the doorway and I have to totally maneuver Austin Power's style with a little forward step and then a little backwards step until I can free myself and continue on my way.  I really hope someone saw this as it had to have been hilarious.  I was probably stuck for a good 30 seconds and I looked like and idiot for a good 31 seconds.  Awesome.  As I am boarding the boat I run into the English couple I met in Esquel Argentina.  Small world at times.  We board the boat and they have a bunk just across the way from mine which is cool as I will probably hang out with them quite a bit.  I then run into a Canadian girl who remembers me when I spent the night at the refugio on Mount Tronador outside of Bariloche Argentina.  She remembers me because she was friends with the American girl I was talking to most of the night up there and she remembers me being really loud (go figure).  An even smaller world.  The funny thing is is that I was sort of hitting on that American girl because she was pretty dope but what I didn't know was that she was gayer than a Kenny G cd.  Hah, well that's one reason why she never emailed me.  But seriously, what the hell was going on in that tent she was sleeping in with those two other girls each night.  Man, I bet that was sexy as shit sans the smell from non washed puss for a week.  I meet my 3 bunkmates who end up being 2 Irish girls named Karen and Sarah and some crazy assmonkey from Holland named Stephan who is traveling with the Irish chicks.  The bunks are squared off with two aligned vertically facing the other two with a narrow space in between.  We will be living in close quarters for the next 4 days.  Stephan brings on 6 large bottles of beer, 3 cartons of wine, 2 bottles of wine, a fifth of bacardi limon and a fifth of vodka.  Nice.  I bring on 2 large bottles of beer and a bottle of vodka.  I think we are set for the short time we have on here.  So with us four and the English couple (Andy and Gill) and the Canadian girl (Jen I think) we sort of have our crew and we accidentally form a click.  We hang outside on the deck and get our drink on and just hang out.  Not sure what to think of Stephan since he kills every joke and says the dumbest shit ever.  You know how when you have a group of people and everyone is laughing and joking around and then someone busts in with a comment that completely sucks and it just kills the joke, well, that's Stephan with every comment or quip he makes.  I'm sort of surprised the Irish girls are friends with him since they are cool and witty and funny (esp Sarah) and Stephan is the opposite of all those things.  Anyways, I'm glad to I already have friends on here and that there are younger people to hang out with and I'm really looking forward to tomorrow as I will be able to see the Patagonian scenery up close as we wil be sailing through fjords some of which will be narrow.  We will sail 1,100km over the next 4 days up to Puerto Montt.  Should be a good trip.Fin
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