TravelStream™ news feed for member foolsgold on TravelPod's free travel blogs service http://www.travelpod.com/syndication/rss/foolsgold en-us Copyright ©2010 TravelPod.com Mon, 02 Jun 2008 01:27:40 -0400 http://www.travelpod.com http://www.travelpod.com/travel-blog-entries/foolsgold/worldtour/1212341040/tpod.html http://www.travelpod.com/travel-blog-entries/foolsgold/worldtour/1212341040/tpod.html#comments Travel Blogs http://www.travelpod.com/travel-blog-entries/foolsgold/worldtour/1212341040/tpod.html Mon, 02 Jun 2008 01:27:40 -0400 Get Busy Living Or Get Busy Dying - Around The World Without Flying.... Armed Only With A Cliché.

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Auckland, New Zealand

"This will be a day long remembered. It has seen the fall of Kenobi. It will soon see the fall of the rebellion".

-- Star Wars



Two years is an awfully long time. It's longer than I've ever held down the same job for (although admittedly that probably says more about me). It's also longer than my longest relationship with a lady (again....).

Still though.

Today is the two year anniversary of the day Vinny and I began this endeavour of ours by catching the local bus from our home village in Tollerton to Nottingham, and from there another bus to Amsterdam... And the rest is history. True, history that was well documented right here on the fantastic Interweb, and started off rather entertaining and then became more dull as money ran out and we became people with jobs and bills and rent to pay who just happened to be doing it all in another country.

History nonetheless.

There have been casualties along the way. Vinny took long term leave from the endeavour a few months back, taking with him the group's ability to read a map, respect other cultures and live by some kind of sense of morality. Fortunately we still have our looks.

Then there came the move to New Zealand, with new travelling partner Irish Jon.
This worked out great until a rather sad death in the family caused Ireland's favourite son to return last week.

So now I am, to all extents and purposes, on my lonesome. This isn't, actually, as sad and pathetic as it sounds. I have three jobs again, and the various friends, acquaintances and cheering sections that you acquire from such things. Also that other aspect - the one I don't talk about - is taken care of too. So it's not all bad.

That said, I find myself in rather a void. Now I've finally got a little money trickling in I have one or two options, which is nice. Remember that the move to New Zealand was one of necessity rather than choice - my working visa had (long) run out in Australia and I was in need of making an honest living for a while.

I would very much like to keep my head down for a few months and then finish this journey, dominating the challenge of travelling around the entire world without flying. The feeling that if I don't finish it now I never will hangs heavy on my shoulders.

Trouble is, New Zealand doesn't exactly encourage saving money. Not only do they have a flat tax rate of 20%, with no benefit for low earners, but they charge 46% on anything you earn over $38,000, which is only about 14 grand in the old money. And as if those things weren't enough to get your blood boiling, they reward those people like me willing to work more than one job to make ends meet with a standard policy of taxing you 46% on any job hat isn't your main one, making it in many cases counter-productive to bother going to work.

There is another issue that is going to have a bearing on any decision I make. You see, Travelpod Several, my Hetero Life Partner Karim was supped to be getting married in a few months, so when I returned to Australia after my brother's wedding (what is it with all these selfish people getting married? I'm trying to travel the world here!) I bought a one year return flight so I wouldn't miss the boy's big day.

Then, just like that, Karim and Polly decided not to bother getting married and spend the cash on travelling the world. Don't get me wrong, I applaud the gesture... But the flight was already paid for! And when I demanded some kind of fiscal recompense from them, they assumed I was being funny!

So I have a flight home form Melbourne that leaves in a couple of months, and although I can put it back a few more weeks, after that it's gone. And it's not cheap getting home from over here. Especially when you're paying half your earnings to a government that charges you $350 dollars to prove to them you're not carrying TB.

Oh, check this out, I just remembered. If you work longer than three months in New Zealand you become a tax resident for the entire financial year. This means, in theory, that if I return home after, say, six months and get a job in England, or anywhere else for that matter, they consider themselves entitled to tax me on my earnings. Honestly, you can't make this shit up.

Anyway, enough about that.

The point of the story is that I have no idea what I'm going to do, which puts me in a position that I am completely fine with.

Everything I've ever done that worked out, I did on a whim. This trip, the idea, the way we did it, was one random decision followed by another.

And I wouldn't have changed a thing.





Well. There was that time in St Petersburg, but it's a learning curve so don't write in Bruce Campbell.
]]> http://www.travelpod.com/travel-blog-entries/foolsgold/worldtour/1212299100/tpod.html http://www.travelpod.com/travel-blog-entries/foolsgold/worldtour/1212299100/tpod.html#comments Travel Blogs http://www.travelpod.com/travel-blog-entries/foolsgold/worldtour/1212299100/tpod.html Mon, 02 Jun 2008 01:23:38 -0400 Get Busy Living Or Get Busy Dying - Around The World Without Flying.... Armed Only With A Cliché.

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Auckland, New Zealand

"Where are all the good men dead?

In the heart? Or in the head?"

Gross Point Blank



What better way to celebrate the two year anniversary of this journey and this travel blog than the rather unimaginative method of pulling the random quotes from the tops of every entry I've done and stick them all together here in some kind of bizarre bumper compilation? The quotes that introduce my travelpod entries are as much a part of the whole experience as the photographs, the words, or the casual racism.

I figured that by extracting them all and laying them out in chronological order I could get some kind of insight into my psyche - you know, what was REALLY going on when I was writing that entry. Then I thought... Why the hell would I want to do that?

In fact, all you really end up with is a big bunch of film quotes, some relevant to what was going on at the time, some completely random. The occasional song or book made it in there, even the odd philosophical rambling. And, of course, the quotes that weren't quotes at all but rather me trying to make a point and pretending someone else had made it first to hide behind a little anonymity.

So without further ado, and for no real reason other than I had to do SOMETHING to mark he passage of two years of my life.... here it is.


It Begins... Europe 2006


"I'm too old for this shit" - Lethal Weapon 1, 2, 3 and more than likely 4

"And from the smoke shall come a most terrible beast and he shall be the Antichrist. And the beast will be known by the number six hundred and

sixty six" - The Bible. Or possibly Bill & Ted

"Sometimes you miss the pain", Swingers

"No blades, no bows, leave your weapons here... No blades, no bows, leave your weapons here" - Robin Hood, Prince of Thieves.... If you've seen it

you know what I mean.

"I met a girl who sang the blues, and I asked her for some happy news" - American Pie... German television sank to new lows last night as they televised our rendition of the Don McLean anthem.

"I'm not saying I was directly responsible for the fall of the Berlin Wall, just that I made a contribution through the gift of music" - David Hasslehoff.

"There's something happening here, and what it is ain't exactly clear, there's a man with a gun over there, telling me I'd better beware. There's battle lines being drawn, nobody's right if everybody's wrong". That Song... You know the one I mean.

"We are the middle children of history, with no purpose or place" - Fight Club

"We'd best get back, because it'll be dark soon, and they mostly come at night...... mostly" -- Aliens.

"I don't want it to be one of these awful, tacky stag nights that everyone seems to think are so important these days........ Strippers, obviously" -- Men Behaving Badly

"Get busy living or get busy dying. That's God damned right" - Shawshank

"We're gonna need a bigger boat" - Jaws

"It's a hundred and six miles to Chicago, we've got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it's dark... and we're wearing sunglasses. Hit it." - Blues Brothers

"I have nothing to declare but my genius", Oscar Wilde

"You are so fucking money and you don't even know it. You're like a bear with these big fucking claws and the ladies are like bunny rabbits, and you're looking at your claws and you're thinking, how can I kill this bunny with these claws?"

Swingers

"Some people are on the pitch.... they think it's all over.... It is now!" Kenneth Walstenholme, 1966

"I see trees of green, red roses too, I see them bloom, for me and you. And I think to myself.... what a wonderful world" - Louis Armstrong

''I can`t believe you. You used to have such a nice writing style, and now all you do is swear and write about being drunk. I can`t even bring myself to show it to your Granny.''

- My Mother, the other day. I think she wanted to use the expression black-affronted as well but fortunately resisted the temptation.

`Actually, I'm a writer..... A writer? Of letters and such?` - Unforgiven

`You know what I like about Europe the most? It's the little differences. I mean, they got the same shit there that we've got over here, but there

it's just a little different` - Pulp Fiction


Onto Russia.....


"We passed upon the stair, we spoke of was and when
Although I wasn't there, he said I was his friend
Which came as some surprise, I spoke into his eyes
I thought you died alone, a long long time ago

Oh no, not me
I never lost control
You're face to face
With The Man Who Sold The World"

Bowie.. And Nirvana... And, bizzarely, Lulu.

King Arthur: "Are all men from the future loud mouthed braggards?"

Bruce Cambell: "Just me baby, just me".

- The Army of Darkness, one of the finest films ever made.

"You like my fish? They're supposed to be relaxing, you know, stress? You must have something similair. How do you cope with stress in Russia?"

"Vodka"

Red Heat, not one of the best films in the world.

"Nowhere else will you find a greater hive of scum and villainy" - Star Wars

"You know, if we invested half the time we spend checking out women in things like experiencing cultures or learning languages, we'd be like the

best people who ever lived..... I suppose that's what's inherently wrong with us, as a gender" - Me, to Vinny, about two hours ago.

"Me and Poll are loving your Blog, Poll is addicted to the thing but all you seem to be doing is getting pissed, great fun for you and the randoms along the way but not good info!! Put the bottle down and get on with some sober adventures ( you know the ones that happen during the day!! )."

--- Extract from an e-mail Karim sent me the other day.



Onto A Train....

"Remember what Bilbo used to say: It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step onto the road, and if you don't keep your feet,

there's no knowing where you might be swept off to..." - The Fellowship of the Ring

"We are damned and we are dead
All god's children to be sent
To our perfect place in the sun
And in the dirt"

- Marilyn Manson

"Another glorious day on the train. A day on the train is like a day on the farm. Every meal a banquet, every mile a pleasure. I love the train!"

"To be honest, I have a problem with the whole idea of the talking snake. I mean even if it didn't talk, and just sort of plonked the apple down

and nodded towards it, I'd be suspicious" -- Alan Partridge



Out the other side and onto Asia....

"Groovy"

"It was a cold, bright afternoon in April as the clock struck thirteen" - 1984

"You're a call girl? Wait, you mean like a whore?" - True Romance

"Don't move.... he can't see you if you don't move" - Jurassic Park

"My mommy said there weren't any monsters, any real ones.... but there are" - Aliens

"Like most people, I enjoy taking a piss after a meal... just not when it comes out of my fuckin ass"

- Mike Strutter (an extremely crude quote for which I make only small apology)


"Yo, She-Bitch....... Let's go" - Bruce Cambell

"Sure, I could have stayed in the past. Hell, I could have probably been King. But in a lot of ways, I am a king. Hail to the King, baby" - Bruce

Cambell

"Save the Panda, they say... We are! We're not shooting them, we're not eating them, we're not hunting them... But they're not meeting us half way

are they? They're not shagging!" -- Ricky Gervais

"You want some bacon?"
"Nah man, I don't eat pork"
"Are you Jewish?"
"No, I ain't Jewish, I just don't dig on swine, that's all"
"But bacon tastes good... Pork chops tase good"
"Hey, sewer-rat may taste like pumpkin pie but I'd never know 'cause I wouldn't eat the filthy motherfucker. Pigs sleep, and root, in shit. That's

a filthy animal"

-- Pulp Fiction

"That's more food than they eat in a month. You're insulting them, and you're embarrassing me... eat it" - Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom

"Nobody makes me bleed my own blood.... nobody" -- Dodgeball

"He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby become a monster.

And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you."

-- Friedrich Nietzsche

"As you will be my dog, your new name will be... Spot. Welcome to slavery"
"No thanks - I already had a wife"

-- From Dusk Till Dawn

"Do you love me, Fry?"
"Well, I love you as much as a man CAN love a woman"

-- Futurama

"You were right about one thing, Master - the negotiations were short"

-- Phantom Menace

You're gonna die now John!"

-- Commando

"Okay, I get the picture - White Tigers, Lords of Death, guys in funny suits throwing plastic explosives while poison arrows fall from the sky and the pillars of heaven shake, huh? Sure, okay, I see Charlie Chan, Fu Manchu and a hundred howlin' monkey temples, and that's just for starters, right? Fine! I'm back! I'm ready, goddammit let me at 'em!"

-- Big Trouble In Little China

"As Bertrand Russell once said, 'The only thing that will redeem mankind is cooperation'. I think we can all appreciate the relevance of that now."
"Was that on a beer mat?"
"Yeah, it was Guinness Extra Cold."

-- Shaun of the Dead

"It's this whole other country"

-- Forrest Gump

"Accept no substitute"

-- Jackie Brown

"I was there the day the strength of men failed".

-- The Fellowship of the Rings

"Nothing is static... Everything is evolving... Everything is falling apart"

-- Fight Club

"I just feel like everyone tries to do something different, but you always wind up doing the same damn thing"

-- The Beach

"Pew, Pew, Barney McGrew, Cuthbert, Dibble and Grub"

-- Ecclesiastes, 2:17

"Do not try to bend the spoon... that is impossible. Instead, only try to realise the truth"

"What truth?"

"There is no spoon"

"There is no spoon?"

"Then you will see that it is not the spoon that bends, it is only yourself"

--- The Matrix

"There's the rub"

-- Swingers

"What you got?"

-- Rebel Without A Cause

"Mmm-Hmm, that IS a tasty burger"

-- Pulp Fiction

"You know what I love most about life? Everything".

-- Damien Hirst

"Here's to alcohol; the cause of - and solution to - all of life's problems"

-- Homer Simpson

"Roads? Where we're going, we don't need roads!"

-- Back To The Future


And to Australia


"There's nothing that can't be done"

-- The Usual Suspects

"Take her to sea, Mr. Murdoch. Let's stretch her legs."

-- Titanic

"My god, Vanessa's got a fabulous body... I bet she shags like a minx... How do I let them know because of the unfreezing process, I have no inner

monologue? I hope I didn't just say that all out loud just now. "

Austin Powers

"If there's a steady pay check in it..... I'll believe anything you say"

-- Ghostbusters

"All the world's a stage,
And all the men and women merely players.
They have their exits and their entrances,
And one man in his time plays many parts,
His acts being seven ages."

-- William Shakespeare, As You Like It

"You are without a doubt the worst pirate I've ever heard of"
"But you've heard of me"

- Pirates of the Caribbean

"I find I'm so excited, I can barely sit still or hold a thought in my head. I think it's the excitement only a free man can feel, a free man at the start of a long journey whose conclusion is uncertain. I hope I can make it across the border. I hope to see my friend, and shake his hand. I hope the Pacific is as blue as it has been in my dreams. I hope."

-- The Shawshank Redemption

"Don't worry, you're not my type"
"Smart?"
"Single"

-- Casino Royale

"What we do in life, echoes in eternity"

- Gladiator

"Welcome to the party, pal"

-- Die Hard

"White shores... and beyond, a far green country under a swift sunrise.

Return Of The King

"I am an FBI Agent!!"

Point Break

"Fire and brimstone coming down from the skies. Rivers and seas boiling".
"Forty years of darkness. Earthquakes, volcanoes..."
"The dead rising from the grave."
"Human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together - mass hysteria."
"All Because of Dickless here"
"Is this true?"
"Yes, it's true. This man has no dick".

-- Ghostbusters

"Starry, starry night
Paint your palette blue and grey
Look out on a summer's day
With eyes that know the darkness in my soul..."

Vincent, Don McLean

"If my calculations are correct, when this baby hits eighty-eight miles per hour... you're gonna see some serious shit."

Back To The Future

"The dead only know one thing - it is better to be alive"

-- Full Metal Jacket


Melbourne... 1st Time Round

"Here at GloboGym, we're better than you..... and we know it"

-- Dodgeball

"I was just a young man when I did my first Three Point Fade Away. She was a French Canadian whose name I've since forgotten and who I met in France, in a bar that was all loud noises and pink carpeted walls. We drank, went skinny dipping in the wee small hours, made promises and held hands. I remember talk of a trip to the chain link bridge in Budapest, or maybe Bucharest. Then it started. Point One, e-mails regulary. Point two, e-mails every now and then, maybe a couple of CCs if I behaved well enough in them. And then point three, the Fade Away. That's the lifestyle, those are the rules. Everything with a beginning has an end and nothing very bad or very good ever lasts very long. We call it the Three Point Fade Away. It's not much, but it's what we've got, and if you don't like it, we'll Three Point Fade Away you"

Backpacker, Anon.

"Nothing very very good or very very bad ever lasts for very very long"

Generation X

"The name's Ash, housewares... Come get some"

Bruce Cambell, Army of Darkness

"You're so money and you don't even know it!"

Swingers

"You were right not to trust me"

Payback

"I'm going to live forever or die trying"

Catch 22

"Tower, this is Ghost Rider requesting a flyby"

-- Top Gun

"Where are all the good men dead? In the heart, or in the head?"

Gross Point Blank

"If you can't spot the sucker at the table in thirty seconds flat..... You are the sucker"

Rounders

"You can be my wingman anytime"

"Bullshit - you can be mine"

Top Gun

"I may be a bastard, but I'm not a fucking bastard"

From Dusk Till Dawn

"I woke up in some Japanese family's Rec Room, and they would not... stop... screaming"

Anchorman


Home/Vegas

"You know why they put oxygen masks on planes? Oxygen gets you high. In a catastrophic emergency, you're taking giant panicked breaths. Suddenly you become euphoric, docile. You accept your fate. It's all right here. Emergency water landing - 600 miles an hour. Blank faces, calm as Hindu cows."

"You wake up at Seatac, SFO, LAX. You wake up at O'Hare, Dallas-Fort Worth, BWI. Pacific, Mountain, Central. Lose an hour, gain an hour. This is your life, and it's ending one minute at a time. You wake up at Air Harbor International. If you wake up at a different time, in a different place, could you wake up as a different person?"

--Fight Club


"I have long feared that the sins of my past will come back to visit me... And the cost is more than I can bear"

-- The Patriot

"You know what? I've never done the right thing in my life - not once.... That takes skill"

-- The Long Kiss Goodnight

"I took out $300, but I'm only betting with $100. I can't afford any more than that, all right? Now, I figure if we buy a lot of chips, the pit boss will comp us lots of free shit. That's how it works over there."

"Vegas, baby, Vegas"

"Come on! Look, girls, look, don't you always double down on eleven?"

"That was like the Jedi mind shit"

-- Swingers

"There are doorways I haven't opened,
And windows I am yet to look through.
Going forward may not be the answer......
Maybe I should go back."

-- Hive

"I was in love once".
"Really? What was her name?".
"I don't remember".
"That's... not a good start. But please, continue".

-- Anchorman


Back to Melbourne



"It's not the years, honey - it's the mileage"

-- Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark

"He waits... that what he does... And tick follows tock follows tick follows tock...
Ahab Says 'I don't care who you are, here's to your dream'".

"Is it how you imagined?"

"Mate I can't complain. Work, friends, house, all good. Everything's good in fact... Everything but the girl".

"Ah... Ever noticed how similar 'everything but the girl' is to 'nothing at all'"?

"Yeah".

-- Everything But The Girl


"There is a house in New Orleans,
They call the Rising Sun
And it's been the ruin of many a poor boy,
And God, I know, I'm one."

-- The House of the Rising Sun

"You're all going to die down here"

-- Resident Evil

"We have GOT to get out"

-- Tremors

"It's this whole other country"

-- Forrest Gump

"The truth is, you are the weak.... And I am the tyranny of evil men.
But I'm trying Ringo... I'm trying real hard.. To be the shepherd."

-- Pulp Fiction
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Auckland, New Zealand

"The truth is, you are the weak.... And I am the tyranny of evil men.
But I'm trying Ringo... I'm trying real hard.. To be the shepherd."

-- Pulp Fiction



April in Auckland arrived.... And it did it cold.

It never ceases to amaze me how quickly your body adjusts to the current climate. Well, adjusts may not be the word... Complains is the word. When you're stinking hot and soaking your t-shirt in cold water before putting it on and going to bed in thirty five degree heat you pretty much would give anything for sub zero temperatures... and then of course you get them and within a few seconds you want to be on fire, just to restore the feeling.

We had a lot to do in Auckland that was neither easy or interesting. Visas were needed, as were medicals (don't even get me started). And then it was a simple case of getting tax numbers, which was in no way simple (in fact, neither of us has one yet). And poor Jonny and his Citizen's Advice Bureau Australian Tax Rebate adventure.....

Suffice to say that if I was to judge New Zealand on the competence, efficiency and quality of it's government departments and workers... well, all things being equal I think I'd rather be back in Moscow.

And that's swearing.

But fortunately for my Kiwi colleagues, I never like to be quick to judge.

Here's something about being a backpacker that is both good and bad, depending on how you look at it. We live a semi-disposable lifestyle. Everything we do, we do for as long or as short as is prudent, viable, or wanted. Nothing really matters, and nothing is for keeps. Semi-disposable jobs come thick and fast, as do semi-disposable relationships, taxes, CVs, flats, friends. Sometimes for us a one-night stand is a little too much like commitment. It is either a wonderful life of freedom and whim, or a rather empty existence of hollow promises and lies.

We are to the world what IKEA is to furniture. And my only concern is that if someone ever asked us to hand craft a beautiful mahogany bed from only the finest materials, we wouldn't know how because we sold the skills up the river for fast cash and Swedish meatballs.

I suppose when you've been doing it for long enough it becomes flat-pack or nothing.

Semi-disposable CVs are a personal favourite of mine. I have four different ones. It's not that they're exactly a pack of lies, it's rather that they are each carefully constructed to make it look like every job I've ever done I've done for the last ten years... And the rest I just make up as I go.

Oh, and while we're on that subject, a massive thank you to Mr Lee, Mr Madden and Mr Webster... Between the three (or is it two?) of you I think I could run for Prime Minister.

Jon's been working as an English teacher since about the second week here, which is all cool. I have a slightly more sporadic approach. The last couple of weeks I've been working as a temp, a researcher for some massive international company called Alcatel Lucent that I had never heard of but apparently everyone else has. I'm not allowed to talk about what I do, because I had to sign a many paged confidentiality agreement, but suffice to say I it turned out to be a lot more interesting than I thought, and not nearly as interesting as it could be.

That job finishes next week, but I've picked up a cushy number as a consultant manager for some trendy bar in the trendy part of town. It's recently been bought by a couple who know their business but don't really know their bars, and they wanted a manager, which I wasn't willing to do, because my mother, my liver, two of my best friends and all of my ex-girlfriends agree isn't really good for me. Instead, I work their mostly when it's closed, sorting things out for them and pretty much have free run to try out ideas to get them more business. Pretty nice, because if things go well (which they will) I have a rather nice profit-related-pay clause written into my contract. And if they don't.... Welcome to the IKEA experience.

Anyway, April in Auckland began with our Amazingly Alliterative April Auckland Alcohol Amnesty Adventure, or AAAAAAA for short, or AA for shorter.

It was a rather necessary requirement. After a six month long Friday night we both felt a little time off the sauce could only be a good thing.

And I've got to say, we started with the best of intentions. By the third day (the third!) I had gone the longest without a drink in three months. By day seven it was six months. By day ten it was four years. If I had lasted the month it would have been ten years without breaking a sweat.

Trouble was, on day twelve I was working a bar as a casual (read - illegal) bar tender, in an AIDS fundraiser gay burlesque night, and when seven-foot high 'Simone' offered to buy me a few shots to take the edge off the cabaret (read - transvestites lip synching to Britney) my resolve crumbled in a second. Imagine my surprise when Simone turned out to be a fella....

Still, a shag's a shag.

That last bit was a joke... I find I have to watch that a little more over here than in the UK. The Kiwis, unlike the Aussies, have a rather different sense of humour to us.

We have one, you see.

Anyway, twelve days of sobriety was enough to make a point.

Jon lasted four.

It's not that I'm not trying to embrace my friend Sammy L's words of wisdom.... It's just that I'm not trying that hard.

Today is ANZAC day, which is a public holiday in fair New Zealand and Australia. For the uninitiated, it means Australia and New Zealand Army Corps, and it is effectively the equivalent of Remembrance Day, right down to the poppies.

In 1915 Churchill thought to take Istanbul, gaining control over the Black Sea and kicking the Ottomans out of the war before they had a chance to get stuck in. A large force of Australians and New Zealanders formed part of an Allied invasion that was supposed to be simple, but ended up with eight months of having the shit kicked out them by the Turks, and an eventual loss. The day, 25th of April, marks the first day - The Gallipoli Landing.

Still though, this is the day Australia and New Zealand choose to celebrate and remember all their war dead. And why the hell not? Despite the fact that they lost, and despite the further fact that they were fulfilling their ties to a Crown long lacking in reciprocated loyalty, they stood up and fought.

The tenacity and resolve of the ANZACS went down well back in the UK, with the press dubbing them "The Knights of Gallipoli".

A lot of Aussies and Kiwis make the pilgrimage to Turkey every year to be on the beach for the dawn service, which is no short trip.

I'm no great historian or academic - I'm not even much of a person. But I always remember the bit at the start of Braveheart where Wallace senior gets told they can't beat the English, and he responds "We don't have to beat them. We just have to fight them".

I suppose, when all is said and done and accounts are settled, that is more than enough.

The ANZAC Ode:

They shall grow not old,
As we that are left grow old,
Age shall not weary them,
Nor the years condemn.
At the going down of the sun,
And in the morning
We will remember them.

Lest we Forget
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Auckland, New Zealand

"It's this whole other country"

-- Forrest Gump




When JRR Tolkien wrote the words "White shores, and beyond... A far green country, under a swift sunrise", he was referring to the Grey Havens, the place the elves were heading to when they sacked off Middle Earth. But isn't it also possible he was referring to New Zealand?

No. No it isn't. He was talking about the Grey Havens. Sorry. Got a bit excited there. Don't really know what I was thinking.

When eminent travel writer and amateur humorist Mike "Of course I'll respect you in the morning. If anything, more so" Horner wrote the words "New Zealand... Like England but without a dirty big city everywhere you look and gangs of youths in tracksuits roaming the countryside in packs" it is more likely that he was referring to the country where I now find myself.

So what happened, in a nut shell, was this:

The plan used to be that I would go to New Zealand when I got bored of Australia and could afford it, while Vinny would stay in Sydney living up the high life. At some point in the future we would meet up again and continue our quest.

Then a few things happened to both of us, and things got a little dragged out. I won't go into Vinny's details, as it's not really my place. Suffice to say the Ginger Jedi went home a while ago, and after spending a week or so there went off to work in France for a bit. I'll nudge him into telling you all about it next time I talk to him. The trip, for the time being at least, has lost fifty percent of it's population and at least forty percent of its good looks.

Meanwhile, I went to New Zealand. Many months ago I enlisted the partnership of a wonderful Irish chap called Jon, who I met at that den of iniquity and last hope for the damned, The Pint on Punt. He, like me, had no real direction, no real money and was bored to tears of life in Australia. We set in motion a sequence of events that led to us arriving here in Auckland last Tuesday.

I should reiterate at this point that Irish Jon is in no way a replacement for the Ginger Jedi - Vinny was never coming to NZ anyway, he was going to stay in Sydney, so don't write in with unfair comparisons or abuse. Well, you can if you like.... Anyway, Jon does realise the terrible responsibility he has as my travelling partner for the next however many months, and has big, Chewbacca sized shoes to fill... Not that Chewbacca wore shoes of course.

The main difference between traveling with Vinny and Jon is that Jon is Irish. This, coupled with the fact that for the last four months I was (was.... past tense doesn't break any rules) dating an Irish girl does mean I have started to pick up a few phrases. I can't help but say "Work away" now when I mean "Be my guest". I also sometimes say "Will I" when I mean "Shall I". I refer to people as "Your man", regardless of ownership. I have been vehemently resisting the urge to describe a cupboard as a 'press'. That one is just wrong.

The other source of comedy comes from me adopting my Irish accent... Now, anyone who's ever heard me doing an Irish accent (anyone ever heard me tell the joke about the priest, the bishop and the nun?) will realise just how bad it is. If anything, it's worse now. Still, it works a like a dream on anyone not from Ireland or the UK, or, even better, English people under twenty who seem unable to separate Scottish from Irish, let alone my efforts... Do you remember Sean Bean's Irish accent in Patriot Games? Well, mine's that bad.. In fact I based it on his.

That said, last time I was back home I was accused of having an Australian accent, and if I had to chose, I'd go with the paddys any day. Girls love an Irish accent, even a massively fake and politically insensitive one.

So anyway, Auckland. Everyone who we spoke to about Auckland - everyone - told us it was a shithole. And they weren't that far from the truth. We came here because, although it's not the capital, it is the biggest city and we want to spend the first month or two working before setting off to explore (I say want, when 'have to' would be more accurate). Plus, I have a few contacts here and some work lined up in advance, which is always a bonus when you're funding your entire trip to NZ with money you made [removed on legal advice] in a pub.

It's not that bad, to be fair. The city itself is very small, and we're staying right in the middle so it all works out well. There aren't any trams or anything like that, which seems great at first glance after spending too long in Melbourne, but then you realise that if you need to go anywhere you can't walk to you'll need to catch a... bus. I hate buses, like every other free thinking human being.

We haven't really had the chance to see much other than the city itself, which is like any other city. So far it's been all about visas, jobs, accomadation and other such fun things. But we'll get our chance to explore and, as ever, record the wonderful things we see and the stupid things that we do right here for you, the Travelpod Several.

In the meantime, it's my birthday so I'm off out.

I don't worry that I've achieved another annual milestone. After all, it's like I always say:

El Diablo sabe mas por viejo que por Diablo.

Well, I say always.. I mean ever since I made some poor Spanish girl teach it to me.

The Devil knows more because he is old than because he is the Devil....

xxx
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Melbourne, Australia

"You're all going to die down here"

-- Resident Evil

"We have GOT to get out"

-- Tremors


The Pint on Punt, or The House of the Rising Sun as I affectionately refer to it, is a pub and backpackers hostel in Melbourne. It is so called as it serves pints of beer and sits at the start of Punt Road, which in turn is so called as it is a long road that leads all the way to the Melbourne Cricket Ground... And a Punt is the kick they do in that stupid game they like playing here.

As I have lived and/or worked there on and off for a year I thought I'd say something about it here, and then NEVER SPEAK OF IT AGAIN.

Your first impression when arriving is that the location is rubbish. Then you work out where you are and realise it's actually very good - twenty minutes from the shit beach, ten from Chapel Street, five from Fitzroy St, MCG down the road and, if you happen to be there in March, a Grand Prix track across the street.

Your second impression would be of a basic, clean, simple hostel with a bed in a room and not much else. As it's pretty cheap you would shrug your shoulders and leave it at that. Unless you are unfortunate enough to arrive on a hot day, when you would find that the smallish rooms and flat roof have conspired with the sun to raise your body temperature by 2,000 degrees. At this point unconsciousness and death should follow.

Then of course there's the pub downstairs - and this is where everything changes.

The pub part of the Pint on Punt is, I can say without fear of contradiction, the finest drinking hole in Australia. This is primarily to do with the fact that it is a pub - not some arse of a wine bar, bistro, gastropub, standing room only shit tip or parody of a parody of a dump. It's dark, dingy, has barrel tables and crap all over the walls, and it's great.

It also, rather inexplicably for it's size, serves sixteen different beers on tap and fifteen more in bottles. This is a breath of fresh air for anyone bored of going into a pub in Victoria and being given the choice of Carlton Draught or fucking off.

There are two types of backpacker that come to the Pint on Punt. Those that don't bother with the pub, and who may stay for a few days or a week or so, and those that get it, use it, become part of the family and can be found six months later wondering what it was they were supposed to have been doing instead.

The pub itself isn't a backpacker pub, or a locals pub, or a food pub or an office worker pub - it's all those things and more. It's a massive melting pot of international backpackers, pissed up bogans, shirt and tie types, students and crazy old boys who sometimes smell of piss.

The staff make a big difference. No other pub I've frequented has such an odd mixture of people who can only really be described as 'unique'. It almost seems to be a prerequisite. People change, come and go, but the core seems to always stay the same.

You've got Corey the Head Chef/Night Manager/Problem Solver, who is at the same time one of the most dangerously violent people in history and also the nicest. He would literally do anything for you.

Then there's Fred Negro - bar tender, musician, performance artist, professional cartoonist and Victorian legend. The man who, when doing a cartoon featuring the (then) prime minister John Howard for a national advertising campaign for the largest telecommunications company in the country, subtly hid three rather accurate drawings of vaginas on the country's leader. And then told everyone about it in his strip. Good times.

Then there's Kiwi Tim, the resident handyman and 'fruit fixer'. You need a mango at seven in the morning? No problem, no questions asked. Ten at night and have a sudden need for a bag of mushrooms and an orange? Kiwi Tim's your man - just have a beer waiting for him afterwards.

Ruth is the English girl that works part time in reception and fixes everyone else's mistakes. One of the best people I know - just don't piss her off, because even the boss is scared of her. She's also my confidant, the only living person that knows all my secrets, so I have to be nice to her. Plus, you know, she's hot. Oh, and if you can, get he to introduce you to her flatmate. Say I said hello.

Johnny B is the Bar Manager and Jackie is his Scouse girlfriend. They rock, and as they work together their relationship unfolds for the rest of us like some kind of episode of Brookside with added soft core pornography.

If you stay a while at the Pint on Punt you may also get the opportunity to obtain 'Wingman Status'. This is something John and I invented last year as we were 'mixing things up' behind the bar. You know how it is - two male single bartenders, drunk women, good times. Anyway, one day I performed a wing man service of such magnitude that it invited the line "You can be my wingman anytime", to which the response, of course, is "Bullshit - you can be mine". We don't talk about what it was I did, but it was significant - lifechanging, you might say. Anyway, from then on in I was Maverick (unfortunately I had to be the short arsed scientologist) and he was Iceman.

Next to join the fraternity was Jackie as Goose for doing a favour for me (which we don't talk about). From then the rules were set. To become a wingman, and obtain a callsign that was a throwback to an 80s classic movie that really seems a little homo-erotic on second viewing, you had to perform a wingman service for a preexisting wingman. This usually involved deception, subterfuge and the occasional broken heart - but in a good way. Paul the German was up next for doing me a rather large service (which we don't talk about) and found himself as Merlin.

Next came Louie, and this is good because it's the only one I can talk about. Paul the German's insane Czech non-girlfriend set a random 'tough' on Paul outside the Casino. She had told this random guy that her 'boyfriend' was ignoring her and treating her badly. Paul wasn't her boyfriend, had never insinuated that he may like to be, but like I say, she was crazy. So this 'tough' came at Paul outside the Casino (under the impression that if he beat up Paul he could sleep with his non-girlfriend. Understandable, because as well as being as mad as a bag of spanners she was also hot), and by this point we had all gone home - or so our hero thought... Louie steps up out of nowhere, says "I'll field this one Paul", and sparks the guy out flat. He immediately became Viper, the big daddy that looks after the rest of them.

Then Irish Jon earned Jester for doing Louie a favour and Corey became Stinger for doing all of us favours all the time.

The shirts were Louie's idea, and were fashioned just in time for his leaving do.

Anyway, back to the Pint....

The only problem with the Pint on Punt doesn't come from the place itself, but rather the effect it has on it's long term guests. The trick is the line from the song - "It's been the ruin of many a poor boy, and God, I know, I'm one".

You know that bit in Fight Club where he says "Someone's first night at Fight Club they were a wad of cookie dough - a few weeks later they were carved out of wood"? Well, this is kind of like that, but in reverse and in a bad way.

When I first met Louie, for example, he was anybody's after two drinks. When he left, he could drink his weight in Jack Daniels and still have room for a drinking contest.

After a while, too many nights blur into one, and too many blur into nothing. You know you had a good time because you wake up somewhere funny, or with someone funny, or in Canberra - but the details are lost to the mists of time. This is fine once a week, but once a day it can start to have a rather adverse effect on your health.

The thing is, the Pint on Punt becomes home, and the people you meet become family.... Just the kind of family that drink too much, swear a lot and inbreed like incestuous rabbits.

It is one of the best places I've ever stayed, certainly one of the best I've ever worked in, and people who leave and say they're going to come back someday actually come back someday. At least twenty people I knew came back at least once over the months I was there. It's like the Cheers bar - in all the best ways.


Just remember to leave someday, or it'll ruin you.



Five Must-Do Things At The Pint On Punt

1 Order an Iraqi Occupation.
2 Ask Fred Negro about the second time his band got kicked off the Virgin Record Label.
3 Tell 'Mad' Mary on Wednesday nights that the best way to improve her singing voice is to read aloud from 'Harry Potter and The Prisoner of Azkaban' whilst in the shower. It has to be that book and it has to be in the shower. Chamber of secrets will just not do.
4 Challenge Corey to a drinking competition.
5 Invent a drink.









All the photos featuring 'Wingmen' were taken at Louie's leaving do by Timmy Chuma and reproduced here, as ever, with permission. His website can be found at http://photos.timchuma.com and features many, many snaps of the Pint on Punt, local Melbourne bands and events and lots more....
]]> http://www.travelpod.com/travel-blog-entries/foolsgold/worldtour/1194695340/tpod.html http://www.travelpod.com/travel-blog-entries/foolsgold/worldtour/1194695340/tpod.html#comments Travel Blogs http://www.travelpod.com/travel-blog-entries/foolsgold/worldtour/1194695340/tpod.html Sun, 23 Mar 2008 02:29:17 -0400 Get Busy Living Or Get Busy Dying - Around The World Without Flying.... Armed Only With A Cliché.

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Melbourne, Australia

"He waits... that what he does... And tick follows tock follows tick follows tock...

Ahab Says 'I don't care who you are, here's to your dream'".




I spent some time recently at my old stomping ground in Melbourne, the Pint on Punt Hostel in Windsor/St Kilda where I used to work and live.

The owner has changed now, but it's always the case with these things - the more things change, the more they stay the same. My very good friend John still runs the bar and his girlfriend (the single best looking girl Liverpool has ever produced) works there with him, most of the staff are the same, Corey the head chef and night manager is still both the nicest and most psychotically violent man I've ever met...

I was lucky enough to catch Johnny's 30th birthday, and while I was in the bar I overheard a complete stranger ordering a round of 3 'Iraqi Occupations'.... Now I'm not expecting anyone to remember, but that's the drink I invented back when I was working bar four months ago. It was a rather pride-filled moment to know my legacy still lived on - aim low, that's what I say. Some design monuments, others cure disease.. I invented a reasonably popular drink.

Anyway, this all led on to a conversation about the rest of the drinks we have invented over the months, in those twilight hours when the pub was closed and the staff and the backpackers ran amok until the sun came up.

The good old days....

So, we made a list, and as we don't really have anywhere else to put it I thought I'd stick it here, so it can be used as reference to Pint on Punt residents old and new, and for anyone around the world who, for whatever reason, wants to wash away the pain...and bring the rain.




The Iraqi Occupation

Ingredients: White Sambuca, Baileys, Grenadine, Coopers Pale Ale
Directions: Pour a top layer of Baileys onto a shot of Sambuca. Add a drizzle of Grenadine and then drop the lot (glass included) into a half a half glass of Coopers. Do it in one or not at all.
Special Instructions: Do it fast. If left to it's own devices, the drink will become a solid mass of pain.
Invented by: Mike
What's in a Name?: Because it's fucking stupid.
"Homeward bound, Jeeves" Factor (out of five): 4


The Bus That Couldn't Slow Down

Ingredients: Tequila, Kahlua, a Coffee Bean and some Red Bull
Directions: Shot of Tequila with the Kahlua on top. Pop in the coffee bean, drop the lot into half a glass of Red Bull and try not to choke on the coffee bean.
Invented By: John
What's in a Name?: Simpsons Quote, Speed gag.
"Homeward bound, Jeeves" Factor: 3


I Broke Your Heart And All You Got Was This Lousy T-Shirt

Ingredients: Honey Vodka, Jameson's Irish Whiskey, Drambuie, Frangellico and Beez Kneez.
Directions: Drop and drink.
Invented by: Mike
What's in a Name?: You kind of had to be there.
"Homeward bound, Jeeves" Factor: 3


The Scouse Powerhouse

Ingredients: Sambuca, Malibu, Campari, Vodka, Grenadine, Bulmers, Strawberry Liqueur.
Directions: Everything but the Bulmers in a shot glass. Add Grenadine to the shot and the Bulmers for the colour. Drop and drink.
Invented by: Jackie
What's in a Name?: Jackie hails from the land of tracksuits and petty theft.
"Homeward bound, Jeeves" Factor: 2


The Bad Bad Mimi Brown

Ingredients: Havana Club Dark, Tia Maria, Kahlua, Southern Comfort, James Squire's Amber Ale.
Directions: Drop and Drink.
Invented by: John/Mike/Bad Bad Mimi Brown
What's in a Name?: Er... It's Brown.
"Homeward bound, Jeeves" Factor: 2


The Whinging Pom

Ingredients: Gin, Dry Vermouth, Red Wine.
Directions: A shot of Gin and Vermouth, dropped into half a pint of red wine and forced down.
Invented by: John
What's in a Name?: In honour of Jackie and Mike.
"Homeward bound, Jeeves" Factor (out of five): 7


The DBI

Ingredients: White Sambuca, A Bird Eye Chilli cut in half, an awful lot of Tabasco Sauce and very little respect for your body.
Directions: Mix into a shot glass. Allow to soak for 15 minutes. Get it down you.
Special Instructions: While the drink is soaking you have to think of something from your past you are not too proud of. You don't have to share with the group, so this can be genuinely bad. When the time comes, you toast "Here's to your sins"... The pain you endure from this entirely unpleasant experience absolves you, on a Karmic level, from that one sin.
Invented by: Mike
What's in a Name: It stands for Death by Idiocy.
"Homeward bound, Jeeves" Factor: 5


The Russian Doll (aka Ujanikabollokov)

Ingredients: A shot glass of vodka, a half full half pint glass of cider stained red with grenadine, and a pint glass with a bottle of Smirnoff Ice Black in it.
Directions: The ultimate Drop Drink (for the time being). The shot goes into the half, the half goes into the pint, and then it all goes down in one.
Invented By: Jackie
What's in a Name?: Well... It's like a Russian Doll, isn't it?
"Homeward bound, Jeeves" Factor: 5


The "Fuck's Sake, Really?"

Ingredients: Vodka, Tequila, Irish Whiskey, Ouzo, Midori, Kahlua and Southern Comfort.
Directions: Half a shot of each into a half glass.
Invented by: Mike (In honour of John's 30th Birthday)
What's in a Name?: It's the reaction you get when you tell someone what's in it.
"Homeward bound, Jeeves" Factor: 4


The Neville Southall Keepie Downer

Ingredients: Tequila, Cointreau, Sambuca in a shot glass, half a pot of Bulmers with Angostura Bitters.
Directions: Drop one into the other.
Invented by: Richard (Chard)
What's in a Name?: I'm pretty sure it's got something to do with football.
"Homeward bound, Jeeves" Factor: 3


Bring The Rain

Ingredients: Two shots of Vodka, two of Sambuca, over ice.
Directions: To be consumed at the start of an evening. In one go.
Invented by: Mike
What's in a Name?: US Military Slang for 'Commence the bombardment'.
"Homeward bound, Jeeves" Factor: 2 (if consumed sober), 7 (if not)


I Fucked More Backpackers Than The Bedbugs

Ingredients: Triple Vodka, Coke Zero.
Directions: Drink it.
Invented by: [Name and Address Supplied]
What's in a Name?: Every long termer who leaves has to invent a drink. This was invented by [Name and Address Supplied]. It has nothing - NOTHING - to do with either promiscuity or insect infestations at the Pint on Punt. [Name and Address Supplied] just picked some words at random.
"Homeward bound, Jeeves" Factor: 2





Please enjoy irresponsibly. And remember - alcohol is the cause of more fatalities every year than every other drug combined....... But as Joaquain Phoenix says in Buffalo Soldiers - "War is hell..... But peace... is fucking boring".

xxx
]]> http://www.travelpod.com/travel-blog-entries/foolsgold/worldtour/1205889780/tpod.html http://www.travelpod.com/travel-blog-entries/foolsgold/worldtour/1205889780/tpod.html#comments Travel Blogs http://www.travelpod.com/travel-blog-entries/foolsgold/worldtour/1205889780/tpod.html Wed, 19 Mar 2008 23:04:36 -0400 Get Busy Living Or Get Busy Dying - Around The World Without Flying.... Armed Only With A Cliché.

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Melbourne, Australia

"There is a house in New Orleans,
They call the Rising Sun
And it's been the ruin of many a poor boy,
And God, I know, I'm one."

-- The House of the Rising Sun



The first self-imposed rule of Travelpod was that we wouldn't talk about women. There were all sorts of reasons for this at the time and it has proved to be a good rule. You don't need the details of every little misadventure we find ourselves in, and wouldn't be interested anyway. The truth of the matter is, the story about the time I found myself romantically involved with a Belgian girl in the staff changing rooms of the sixth floor of a Xi'an hotel in China is only really interesting to myself - even the Belgian girl in question seemed only mildly entertained.

The second self-imposed rule of Travelpod was that we wouldn't talk about doing anything that wasn't completely legal. The two of us are, of course, upstanding members of society and for us the idea of breaking the law is as abhorrent as, er, having sex in the staff changing rooms of some Chinese hotel. The point is, however, that every now and then you are compelled to, how can I put this, blur the law at the edges, for purposes of work and immigration status and so on and so forth.

The third rule was that we wouldn't write about anything that our mothers would disapprove of. As this pretty much only includes rule one and two it doesn't really matter, but three rules sounds better than two.

Usually this wouldn't make much of a difference to anything. We would talk about the things we had been up to, the adventures we had found ourselves in, and subtly not mention anything that breaks the Holy Trinity of Travelpod Rules.

Recently though, it's become impossible to say anything of interest without breaking one or both rules, and this is why my updates have been so few and far between.

I could, for example, tell you about the time Vinny and his [some text missing] were coming to visit me and my [some text missing] in Melbourne but they got their flights messed up and when they thought they had seven days to prepare they realised they actually had two hours to pack and get on the plane. This was particularly upsetting as I had organised to have the following weekend off [removed on legal advice] and could only actually spend a few hours in their company.

Or the time I hired a car with my [some text missing] and had a lovely three day trip up and down the Great Ocean Road, only to come back and find I had a bastard speeding ticket waiting for me which I have no intention of ever [removed on legal advice].

These stories, however, miss that punch and depth that you, the Travelpod several, have come to expect from myself and Vinny.

I did spend some time writing another in the series of Mak and Vonny adventure stories, which detailed in gory detail how our intrepid adventurers spent the last five months, but decided against publication as some people - some people - have suggested I use Mak and Vonny as a way of confessing crimes that I myself have committed - amazing, I know.

It's not a problem though. As the next entry will explain, the rules have changed. We are about to find out that nothing ever stays the same and, unfortunately, everything that has a beginning has an end....

Until then.

xx



The photos of the pub were pinched from pub photographer Tim Chuma's website with permission, just like normal.... Timmy, what was the link to the hidden photos from Louie's leaving do? I seem to have forgotten it.
]]> http://www.travelpod.com/travel-blog-entries/foolsgold/worldtour/1197063600/tpod.html http://www.travelpod.com/travel-blog-entries/foolsgold/worldtour/1197063600/tpod.html#comments Travel Blogs http://www.travelpod.com/travel-blog-entries/foolsgold/worldtour/1197063600/tpod.html Fri, 07 Dec 2007 16:54:58 -0500 Get Busy Living Or Get Busy Dying - Around The World Without Flying.... Armed Only With A Cliché.

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Melbourne, Australia

"Is it how you imagined?"

"Mate I can't complain. Work, friends, house, all good. Everything's good in fact... Everything but the girl".

"Ah... Ever noticed how similar 'everything but the girl' is to 'nothing at all'"?

"Yeah".

-- Everything But The Girl



This bloke walks into the doctors and says "Doctor, you've got to help me - I'm miserable. I'm depressed all the time, drinking too much, I just can't seem to lift myself up. Everything's just too much effort".

And the doctor says "Well I wouldn't usually do this, but last night my wife and I went to the circus and saw Pascal the Clown - it was the greatest show I've ever seen. Everyone in the audience was crying with laughter and nobody went home unhappy. That's my prescription - go and see Pascal the Clown".

"But Doctor", the man says, "I am Pascal the Clown".



Anyway, enough of that bollocks.

I went to the Doctors last week. I had this lump on my back, just above my arse, and it started to hurt. Then it started to hurt more, and then it upgraded to 'agony' the next day. It was just a cyst, nothing major.

So I went to the Doctors, casual like, expecting him to give me a bit of local anaesthetic and cut the bastard thing out. That's when the whole thing started to escalate - or jump up a notch, depending on your preferred Anchorman quote.

He took one look at it and sent me to hospital.

So I stopped back at home and picked up a book, because he told me I could be waiting six hours or more, and headed off to the hospital, which conveniently is five minutes walk down the road.

They saw me after two hours, took some blood tests, had a poke around - it turned out to be a perennial abscess, which had given me a fever and blood poisoning. So I got admitted, then transferred to another hospital.

They were going to have to operate on it, so it was the proper general anaesthetic deal. I wasn't particularly worried, I just wanted the pain to stop.

I got to my new hospital and checked in - it was a bit weird, because I had to make my own way there with two needles stuck into my arm and hospital wrist bands on, so I undoubtedly looked like an escaped mental patient.

Then the good times really started to roll. I was taken to my room, which was a twin with only me in it, TV, air conditioning, a balcony to smoke on - it really had it all. Then I was given Codeine, Morphine and toast and left to my own devices.

The next day I had the operation, which was probably great - I woke up after a couple of hours when they were pulling that tube thing out of my throat, and immediately felt better - all the pain was gone, and I was able to relax in a post-anaesthetic high.

I was up and moving about within about ten minutes, seriously thinking I'd be out of the hospital within a couple of hours.... As it turned out, I was there for three more days.

The problem, you see, was that they had made two holes in my back that both led to this massive hole under my skin, which they had to stuff with a bandage made out of seaweed, every day - and if it sounds painful then good, because it bloody well is. I've been out of hospital for ten days now and a nurse comes round to see me every morning to re stuff my wound. That's not the worst part though - the worst part is half an hour before she gets here, I have a shower and pull out my dressing from the day before... That sucks.

The morphine nightmares were great for the first couple of days - really intense, vivid and surreal dreams.

What wasn't so great was what happened the night after the operation. When someone comes for scheduled surgery they tell them not to smoke for a week before and a day afterwards - it's to do with the effect the anaesthetic has on the lungs... Trouble was, nobody told me.

So ten minutes after coming out of my torpor, I was outside puffing away, and all was fine. Over the rest of the day I probably smoked ten more cigarettes - I wasn't exactly busy and there are only so many things you can do in hospital to keep yourself entertained. Everything was fine until I went to sleep.

It's hard to describe exactly what happened, but basically my lungs stopped working. So I was hyper ventilating in my sleep, and half woke up, but I couldn't do anything about it as I couldn't move. I ended up battering myself in the head several times to force myself to wake up so I could get control of my breathing.... And then, hilariously, I fell asleep again and the exact same thing happened again. The moral of the story is, if you're lucky enough to be told not to smoke after a general anaesthetic, please, please, please listen to them.

Anyway, two weeks later and I saw my surgeon, who told me I could stop having my back stuffed with seaweed - a great result, on balance.

So I'm on the mend, and although I still have a hole in my back that leaks blood and pus, things are fine and dandy. The Australia Healthcare system rose to the challenge and performed at least as well if not better than our own welfare state. It was helped along the way by our reciprocal health agreement, but still - I was impressed.

So that's it for now - that's the only particularly interesting thing that's happened recently, and doesn't have much to do with travelling, but hey - who cares?

Everything else is kept, as ever, firmly between the lines....

xxx
]]> http://www.travelpod.com/travel-blog-entries/foolsgold/worldtour/1192358760/tpod.html http://www.travelpod.com/travel-blog-entries/foolsgold/worldtour/1192358760/tpod.html#comments Travel Blogs http://www.travelpod.com/travel-blog-entries/foolsgold/worldtour/1192358760/tpod.html Sat, 10 Nov 2007 06:48:56 -0500 Get Busy Living Or Get Busy Dying - Around The World Without Flying.... Armed Only With A Cliché.

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Hong Kong, China

"It's not the years, honey - it's the mileage"

-- Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark



When Vinny and myself were in China last year (Jesus... has it been so long?) we never bothered with Hong Kong.

We had been told that it was a pretty non descript place that had nothing to see and was very expensive.

As it turned out, Hong Kong IS very expensive, at least by Asian standards, but it was more than worth the visit. It did, in only three days, leap up into my top five 'Cities I want to return to' rankings.

A lot of that was, of course, down to the extremely generous hospitality laid out by my brother Dave and his new and beautiful wife Alex, but still... It's great being in any city where the hard work has been done for you - you have somewhere to stay, you already know which places are great and which you don't need to know about.

It's a great place, with a really good feel to it. Like Bangkok, it has the amazing duality of humble homes and towering skyscrapers, chicken and rice and Big Macs with Cheese. The ex-pat community is, of course, a big part of the culture (despite only comprising something like 5% of the population).

It is a successful blend, or rather as successful as such a blend ever is. The Ex-Pat's can spend their entire life without uttering a word or Cantonese, meanwhile the Chinese have a better standard of living than any others I've encountered, including in Beijing.

Despite us handing HK back to China Christmas 1997, they have been able to maintain an 'Independent Government Region', which obviously is the way forward as the International Financial Institutions would possibly take issue with suddenly belonging to a Communist State... But enough of that.

I had a fantastic long weekend, eating well and drinking better. We were able to watch the Rugby World Cup Semi-Final on the Saturday night (a lot more enjoyable than the final was, I can tell you) where we beat France, thus beating New Zealand by proxy, and having already beaten Australia I knew I was returning to the Southern Hemisphere sufficiently armed with things to say when the cricket season started up again.

We played poker, strolled through the city, I went to visit my brother's office - One great thing about Hong Kong is that you can get from A to B without having to ever go down to street level.

We were sat in this rooftop bar with an amazing view of skyscrapers all around, and I was pretty amazed by the scale of everything. Then Dave told me to take a look over the edge of the building and I realised for the first time that we were already fifteen stories up - quite a surreal experience.

The whole experience was extremely enjoyable, and a great little break before a return to... more of a break.

I think the oddest thing I noticed was that Dave and Alex had shipped EVERYTHING from back home for their two year stay in Hong Kong. I had a rather bizarre experience of déjà vu when I noticed their dustbin was the same one they had back in London.

Still, if you're going to do something, I suppose it's best to do it properly.

And seriously - love you guys, thanks again.

xxx
]]> http://www.travelpod.com/travel-blog-entries/foolsgold/worldtour/1192015200/tpod.html http://www.travelpod.com/travel-blog-entries/foolsgold/worldtour/1192015200/tpod.html#comments Travel Blogs http://www.travelpod.com/travel-blog-entries/foolsgold/worldtour/1192015200/tpod.html Wed, 10 Oct 2007 07:22:13 -0400 Get Busy Living Or Get Busy Dying - Around The World Without Flying.... Armed Only With A Cliché.

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Nottingham, United Kingdom

"There are doorways I haven't opened,
And windows I am yet to look through.
Going forward may not be the answer......
Maybe I should go back."

-- Hive

"I was in love once".
"Really? What was her name?".
"I don't remember".
"That's... not a good start. But please, continue".

-- Anchorman



When one travels, one undoubtedly lies. Everybody lies. Some do it more than others, some do it with more style and some just flat out do it better.

But everybody lies.

From the now-world-famous Three Point Fade Away to the ever popular "I do have a boyfriend but it's an open relationship" and right up to the "But of course, your Yak Intestine Stew was delightful - just the right amount of partially digested brown stuff", a traveller's life is fraught with untruths and deception. Very much like a modern marriage or a credit agreement.

One of the most common lies is the "Of course I'll come back" lie. This lie is particularly interesting because people often don't know they're lying at the time. I have heard it countless times in all the places I have stayed for any length of time. People get attached, people make friends, share good times and bad, and then convince even themselves that at the first opportunity they will be right back...

But then they get to the next place and the next set of good people and better times, and the whole thing gets forgotten. It's one of the reasons we do it - one of the only reasons I do it. It is a constant pleasure to be able to slowly forget about places I would happily live for many years, as the memories get replaced by new and different destinations.

I told my good friend Karim many years ago as he was agonising over a choice between the girl of his dreams and the trip of a lifetime that such a choice wasn't a chore - it was a privilege. And as it happened, he chose right.

But anyway. This time, as it turned out to everyone's surprise, I wasn't lying.

Tomorrow I'm going back to Melbourne, via a weekend in Hong Kong to visit my brother Dave. And I'm looking forward to it very much.

My work here is done, and it was about time I got to experience the pleasure of having leaving drinks again. In fact on Saturday my good friend Rob and I invented a whole new type of drunk, where not only do you have the sudden urge to recite the Talavera speech from Sharpe, but when you've finished someone says 'let's do that again'.

As it turned out, I didn't hate being back in Nottingham as much as I feared. In fact, I was pleasantly reminded of all the good people I know. The place is still a shithole, don't get me wrong. In fact walking through the streets is akin, I imagine, to leafing through used toilet paper.

I think the main thing was that this time around I wasn't running a pub filled with idiots, and when I ventured into one it was a social thing. I was also able to spend time with people who have been in my life for years but, due to all sorts of hilarious reasons, I never made time for.

So it came as a pleasant surprise to realise that there are a lot of people here that I'm going to miss.

I'm still off though. I can't go into the details as they contravene at least one of the Holy Trinity of reasons not to write about something on Travelpod, but I'll be gone a while.

But Karim gets married next year, so I'll be back.

And I hope I'm not lying.
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