“ Cesspool of Arabia ”

Reviewed Apr 25, 2012

by am1 (16 reviews) Sydney , Australia

After arriving, I was greeted with a check-in process lasting a conservative estimate of 35 minutes (I was then required to surrender my passport for a number of hours). This was of course, my fault for not remembering the booking site I used, many months ago. Not the hotels fault for lack of organisation.

The unstylish, semi-lockable room contains a bathroom that is probably cleaned once per olympiad (at best estimate). The foul stains on the lavatory seat, basin, floor and shower appear to have aged nicely with time. Perhaps this is because there is no water pressure (or hot water) to speak of. Ditto for the kitchenware.

The satellite tv as advertised, is actually 18 channels. 8 of which, there are no signal, a further 5 a poor signal, resulting in black and white with distortion.

Then it was time for bed, where else would you put the light switch you ask. Right behind the refridgerator is the answer. The loud generator that runs outside of the building certainly doesn't help napping. The one pillow given is best described as a pillow full of desert rocks. And the view of of the filthy window, is best described as concrete.

The staff are rude, foul beasts of characters that spew vile from their sewer's on a regular basis. Complaints seem to be met with the infamous, "shrug of the shoulders" response. Whilst not useful in resolution, it appears part of the staff training procedure.

One example being, I was in the lobby using my wifi pass I had purchased (note they come in 15 minute, 1 hour and 7 day increments) as the advertised 'high speed internet' in the rooms is non-existent, when a lady with her young children could not get into her room as the card did not work. The staff member proceeded to argue quite aggressively, at this poor woman. Three days in a row she had this problem. I demanded they give her and her young family a new room and I (not the staff) helped move her belongings.

I did have the misfortune of staying 3 evenings here and to be fair, most times I went past reception there was a person with a valid complaint. Met with the said shrug of the shoulders or the infuriating, 'not my problem' or 'it worked yesterday'. Useless, utterly useless.

One can only wonder how many people's hard earned vacation has been ruined by Jormand staff.

I did manage to negotiate these issues and successfully book a day trip. The day prior to this said trip, 2.30pm I was told to be downstairs and ready. Upon 2.30pm on the said day, the staff enquired why I was so early as 4pm was the pick up time. Not only was 90 minutes of my time wasted, but I could have made more use of the rest of the day.

The location. Tastefully located in the middle of nowhere, a good 25 minute walk in Arabian heat from the metro station. Don't try and use a cab, as no one knows of the place to get you back. One alternative is, you could get the staff member to drive you around at viciously inflated prices (whom seems to have issues with "rich tourists"). You can just make out the impressive Dubai skyline.

Before I forget, I must mention that my delicious (if more than just a little pricey) Parisian chocolates seemed to vanish from the fridge. You bet they were good. Ditto for my samples of Parisian aftershaves.

Now, no criticism is fair without suggestion for improvement. My suggestion for improvement being, a scud missile right through the front door. Then start from the beginning.

I have given Jormand a one star rating, as I am unable to select zero stars.

You have been warned.

This review is the subjective opinion of a TravelPod member and not of TravelPod.com.