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[traveller666]

Hi guys,

First off I usually post here as a different member, but I'm posting this as everyone who visits my journal can see my previous forum posts!

Anyway I just wondered if anyone else ever felt/feels guilty about travelling?

My situation is that I travel for a few months, come home and earn some money, then go travelling again. I went away february - june this year and will embark on another journey at the end of october - february 2008.

Problem is I have a close knit little family and we've had a few traumas this year, including a sudden death while I was away in May, another bereavement, pregnancy issues with my sister-in-law, and now my dad (divorced from my mum) is on the verge of seperating from his wife. It just seems to be one problem after another...

I was in Asia when I received the first shocking news and I hated that alone/helpless feeling and the remaing few weeks of my trip were terrible.

I really love travelling and as I'm still relatively young, I want to keep on doing it for the foreseeable future, but I feel I'm getting pulled back towards my home because of all the issues that are going on.

I don't particularly want to live in England in the future as I think the quality of life in somewhere like, for example Australia, is much better, but I do find it tough being away for long periods....................

I guess I'm just rambling now! Just wondered if anyone else feels/felt a little lost and torn regarding where they want to be/what they want to do etc

[wakingdream]

I have an idea of how you feel. I suppose you get over the feeling of guilt or you don't. Learning to live with feeling bad about not always being there for your family is tough. I've gone through a similar thing and boy did I feel a hell of alot of guilt.

On the other hand, I decided long ago that I live for me, and I can't keep putting things on hold b/c of others. I don't mean for that to seem heartless, I just mean that sometimes choices are tough, but if you don't look after yourself and your own needs you'll be no good to anyone.

Often I get the notion to pack up and leave, and just go with it. I toy with the idea all the time and figure one day it'll be a go. I'm very close to my family too and they've been the biggest reason I haven't stayed abroad when I've been on extended trips. A decision I now regret.
Greatly.

Loneliness is an emotion we all need to feel, I think anyway. We shouldn't fear it. As long as you don't feel completely isolated, feeling lonely can be a good thing once in awhile. It's awful to be far away when something bad happens, but to chain yourself to home b/c of that? Don't short-change yourself if you want something more.

Live for you and be there when you can be there. Life carries on and sticking around 'just in case' will just be a loss to you. Besides, if things get really terrible, you can always fly home.

[ScottWoz]

Hi 666,

I can relate partly to how you're feeling. And I whole-heartedly agree with Suze when she says don't short change yourself. ALL emotions need to be felt. It's in our interest. Moreover, they should be allowed to wash through us freely without obstruction, every time. It's only then that we can move forward.

While I've certainly had my moments I no longer feel guilty about travelling. I've got a very close knit family too (I also lost a lot of family before leaving England to do my one-way travel) and so I guess the bond with the small family I've got left is greater than it ever was. Over the last three years of being 'out there' I've also been through the occasional 'scare' over the phone and so I can relate to your feelings of helplessness and frustration at the not 'being there'.

But the fact remains: if there's little you can physically 'do' there's absoutely no point allowing yourself to become awash with negative, guilt-inducing emotion. It changes nothing, only assists with taking away your focus and hinders you from being the positive source you should be in times of crisis. If things get really really serious you can always get on the first plane over there right? Until then, you've got to live each moment with every fibre of your being as if it's your very last. There are thousands who would kill to be living this sort of life, and you owe it to yourself (AND to your family) to choose the life and live the life that makes you the happiest bloke you could possibly be. After all, isn't that what they brought you into the world for?

We can't live our lives parallel to others for the 'just in case'. If that was how it all worked then I should be pressuring my own family into following me around just in case I hit a rock thundering down the rapids or just in case I forget to pack my parachute properly? What if the 'just in case' doesn't come around for twenty years? Who loses out? The point is that their lives are their lives, ours are ours and when the sh*t really hits the fan you're prepared to be there, right there with them, even if its with all your spirit. Until that day, live for every moment mate, 'go hard or go home' as they say.

Just don't short change yourself. Yesterday is already gone. Forever..

[wakingdream]

It changes nothing, only assists with taking away your focus and hinders you from being the positive source you should be in times of crisis.

very nice words. The whole thing.

I was lucky enough to see the Dalai Lama speak last night about The Art of Happiness. He talked in length about inner peace. He explained that the only way there can be true peace and happiness in our personal relationships, families, communities and the world itself is only by developing true inner happiness. If we do not have inner peace we will never achieve true peace in our lives and will have difficulty with our relationships.

Being the strongest and happiest you you can be then is actually a great way to be there for your family, even if you are a thousand miles away.

[Paul]

Nice discussion. No need for me to add anything. But understand the feelings and agree with the advice.

Good luck.